Episode #134

A Tough Week & CBT

Some weeks are just tougher than others.

Some situations can feel like too much for one human being to bear.

How can you show self-compassion when you're feeling sad and overwhelmed?

How can you use CBT tools to cope at these times?

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I discuss how to help yourself when you're just feeling really down.

Click to listen now!

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, it's Dr. Julie, and I'm a doctor of psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

So as always, I appreciate you being here with me and your support along the way.

I wanted to talk about a week that I had, but before I get into that. I have an email that a listener said I could share that I thought was really sweet and helpful and I thought you guys would enjoy hearing it.

So it starts off saying,

“Hi, my name is Nora. I live in England, but I'm from Hungary. I came across your podcast and I'd like to say you are amazing.

Thank you for sharing all your knowledge. I understand mental health disorder is much better now, and I'm going to therapy, but I don't feel like it is helping me. I have a derealization many times. I don't have panic attacks from it anymore, but when I had them first, I was really scared. I have lots of childhood trauma as well.

I feel confused sometimes what I'm doing in England, even though I've spent 15 years here. Now, I can't find myself. Sometimes I get confused. Why am I here, and what am I doing in this country? I have a British fiancé. I get confused about him. It is very weird. I feel like I live in a dream sometimes, and I don't know what is real and what's not.

Can you please help me? What are the symptoms that I'm feeling exactly? I think it's derealization and depersonalization, but I don't know what is the best way to get out of it. Thank you.”

So I did reach back to her like I always promise you guys and I just said,

“Thanks for reaching out and being a listener. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I think you've diagnosed yourself correctly and I'd recommend if your therapist is not a trauma special therapist, that's who I would see.

They'll be able to help you get through this and pass the symptoms that you're dealing with and I also recommended EMDR therapy, which is really specialized for trauma as well for her to find and see somebody.”

So she got back to me one more time saying,

“Thanks for email. I can tell you really like to help people. I wasn't a hundred percent sure you would get back to me, but you did! I'm really glad and grateful. I called an EMDR therapist right after your email. I hope you're doing well, and I wish you all the best.

I will keep listening to your podcast. It is really helpful. Thanks for spending time to do your podcast and help us all understand more about mental health. Have an amazing day, Nora.”

So thanks, Nora. And, , again, thanks for listening. I really appreciate you guys reaching out and sharing, letting me know how the podcast is helping, looking for referrals or suggestions just like Nora did.

And I'll always get back to you because, you know, my goal is here to be of service and to get CBT out into the world and get you guys hooked up with other therapists that can help you as well. So you can get past your symptoms and feel happier and feel more confident just having tools on how to deal with, you know, daily issues because we all have them.

So going back to what I was saying earlier, I just want to talk to you guys about a tough week I had that made me just think about that we all have tough weeks, right? And what do we do with them? And I want to make sure I'm getting the message across to you guys that it's not always to fix, fix, fix your negative feelings, but to know how to manage them and sometimes having to sit with them based on what's going on.

So what my week was looking like was multiple issues going on. And so About six weeks ago, my husband had a knee replacement replacement. So that means his old knee replacement was 17 years old and he's an athlete. It was pretty tough on it and it got loose. So he had to have it taken out and get a new one, which was really hard.

Much bigger than we anticipated He's on the mend now, but it was really really tough. It's been a tough recovery for him and For me at times too, so I'm his primary caregiver and also I did have help which I'm very grateful But it still came down to me You know, taking care of him, taking care of my love Paisley, which you guys see on Instagram with me.

I love her, but I had to do all the walking, you know, just everything and manage his medications. And you know, it's a lot being a caregiver. I've done a podcast on that myself. And I knew he had to caregive me when I had my cancer. So it was my, up. But and I was glad to be there for him, but that was exhausting.

That was a lot. And I was worried about him, of course, too. It was hard to see him in such pain and, and just the frustration. So that was, that was tough. Also about two weeks ago unexpectedly, my best friend from childhood who lives back East, her husband passed away. She called me on a Friday and told me that, and it was, Very, very sad.

I felt really bad. I felt sad. I wasn't closer to her. You know, physically to be there with her. And that was really weighing on me. And, you know, to be honest, just world circumstances, the wars that are going on and The people that are suffering was just weighing on me very heavy as well.

It all seemed to kind of come together this particular week. And I was just kind of feeling sad. I was tearful, especially, you know, thinking about my girlfriend's husband and thinking about her and her son and what they're going through and just kind of felt overwhelmed, you know, there's a lot of stuff going on.

The things I, you know, was stressed about. I couldn't really change, right? I can't change so much what's going on in the world. You know, my husband just had to go through his recovery as it was. And my girlfriend was going to be going through this, you know, this horrible shock and trauma and, and just having to get used to her new normal, but just feeling sad.

And again, thinking about, you know, there's a lot of times I see my clients too. And sometimes I just say, you know what, I just want you to know What you're dealing with is just too much for one human being . So it's not about giving up, but just you know, having that self-compassion that sometimes we all just have a lot on our plate and it can be overwhelming and we can't always get rid of the things we're having to deal with.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, the other thing was I went through computer. Hell yes, I'm sure you've all been in computer. Hell is when. You think you're getting hacked. Your computer isn't working anymore. You have to get a new computer. You got to get all your programs set up. Then somebody tells me that a bunch of my very, very important files were lost and were not uploaded where thank God that didn't actually happen.

I was losing my mind running back and forth to my computer person. It was like, that just is enough for me. I am not an it person. I love doing my podcast. I send it off to Lucy, who I love. Okay. My manager, and she takes care of everything, and that's just how I like it. But there's some things I just have to deal with, I understand, on my own.

And it was just like, what else is going to happen? And the computer hell went off for a couple weeks. I'm in a good place now. Thank goodness for that. But that was the other big thing too. I was just like, my brain was fried. Fried, fried, fried. So, going back to saying that sometimes we all just have so much going on.

in our lives. And then other, you know, concerns, just, you know, I'd say family concerns and some relatives that are going through some things that I You know, I'm concerned about or feel sad or people aging and seeing symptoms and, you know, whatever it might be, whatever struggles with people that I love and care about.

So I did kind of just let it all get to me. We're having dinner, my husband's like, God, you're really quiet. And I just said, I just feel sad. I really didn't have much to share or offer. I was just needing to be quiet. And. Becoming mindful that I am feeling sad, there's all these reasons which are completely legitimate and maybe I just need to give myself a couple days just to be sad and you know feel the heaviness of what's going on and then I need to start kicking in my tools.

Right, so that's just a place to Be mindful of for yourself because I'm sure you all have had times where you felt like I did over that week. Plus that it just seemed like it was so much, it was never going to end. I'm not sure how I can handle this. I don't see a way out. Am I just going to keep feeling sad and overwhelmed?

Maybe some anxiety, you know, whatever feelings you were feeling. And so that's why I thought I want to share this because I'm out here running away and I'm acknowledging how I feel and I'm letting myself feel it and process all of that. And once I'm ready, I'll start using my tools. You know, I still got up every day, of course, and I went to work and I took care of my husband and my dog and, you know, did all the things I needed to do.

And I still kept exercising, which was helpful. But I was just having to tell myself, you know, it's okay that you're not in the happiest mood right now. And that you really need to convey this to your listeners that, you know, Sometimes that's where we're at. You know, I've said to people too, that if they're leaving my office and they're all happy, then I might not be doing my job.

Well, right. Cause, because a lot of times people leave and they're like, wow, it's a lot to think about, or I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of people tell me that when they work on the mind over mood workbook, that they feel more depressed or anxious. And you know, I tell them that's really normal because if you're using CBT tools, you really get to your issues pretty quick.

And Bringing all of that to the surface can be really hard and you have to kind of take a breath and step back and process it. So I tell a lot of people, you know, hey, just if you're feeling overwhelmed, just put the book away and go take a walk or go watch your favorite show or go to sleep or whatever.

You know, if it's whatever it is, that's going to help you feel better. Like you don't have to, you know, it's not about suffering and pushing through it, right? But it's about learning, taking it in, learning the tools, but understanding that. It might be hard to understand that I have such negative core beliefs about myself or what my how thoughts are or how anxious I really do get over situations or maybe that I need to end a relationship or maybe I need to set boundaries and deal with things that I've been avoiding in my life.

That's all, you know, heavy stuff. It's overwhelming. Obviously it's very worth working on and the tools that I teach you guys can help you get through all those and make life better. But we can have our moments. So all of our feelings are normal, right? The good, the bad, and the ugly. And we want to feel all of them to be a whole person.

We want to feel all of them to be authentic and to know that we're engaged in our lives because all of those feelings are there for a reason. We just don't want them to take over. We don't want them to manage our lives, right? We want to manage them. So I hope, you know, you want to get to like know yourself.

Like, I know, I know myself well enough that I was like, yeah, Julie, you know, he was feeling sad because of, you know, these multiple things going on. I know I'm going to get through it, but that's just kind of where I am right now and that's okay. And why do I feel sad? Because these people are important to me, you know, peace in the world's important to me, people feeling safe and loved and cared for.

And. You know, I want to have less stress in my life. I don't want to deal with my computer. I knew it was really important. I had to deal with it, but I wanted it to be over. So to be able to reframe my negative thoughts, you know, why were my feelings so strong is because I care that much because I love the people in my life that much, because I want things better.

You know, it wasn't, it was coming from a good place and it was just feeling really heavy because it was so many things at once. So again, you know, I know we talk about, you know, Changing your feelings. I don't want you to be depressed, anxious. All that's true. But it's not about completely getting rid of your moods, right?

So it's again, making them manageable. Like, yeah, I'm going to feel sad about this situation, but I'm still going to get on with my day. I'm still going to be able to enjoy my life and be engaged in my life and with people and be able to be there for them and you know, et cetera, et cetera, whatever your life looks like.

But you may still feel sad about something or something may still make you feel like maybe a little anxious. But you can, you know, move on with your day and you can manage it and know that you got your Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools to do that. So after a couple days, I started to feel a little lighter.

I think part of that was because I gave myself the time to feel sad. I wasn't just pushing it away, right? And I was doing whatever I could. I've been talking more to my girlfriend. Just sharing how I was feeling, you know, with my husband about that situation. Feeling a little more hopeful as he's moving along and doing better.

Got my computer stuff, you know, taken care of pretty much. And you know, just started taking like some small steps to go forward and obviously being mindful of my thoughts, right? And normalizing them. Like, well, yeah, of course you're going to feel sad because your girlfriend's husband passed away and you, and you're worried about them.

That's normal. Of course, it was overwhelming with my computer. Of course, it's sad to see my husband struggle and seeing the pain he's in. You know, all of that was real, but I can still move on and what I can do is be there for everybody. I can be there for myself. Right, I can identify my half thoughts, like I can tell you I had a lot with my computer thinking I'm never gonna get this.

It's never gonna get fixed. Oh my god, what am I gonna do if I can't find my files? You know, just all the time that it took But then I started realizing, you know, I got good people lined up in my life to help me with this kind of stuff. They know what they're talking about and they're going to help me and I'm going to reach out.

And just focus on the behavioral part as well, right? My other thing I tell my clients all the time is it's not cognitive therapy, but it's cognitive behavioral therapy. And, you know, we can think and change our thoughts and find more balanced thoughts and that makes us feel better. But then we have to take the action, that's the B, that's the behavior.

And I need to start taking steps and not getting myself so overwhelmed and thinking too much out of the day. Right? Like what can I do today to take care of these things that are weighing on me? What's going to make me feel better? You know, my exercising makes a big difference in my life. So I made sure I lived by my mantra and I did things that were best for me and not on how I felt.

And then things got easier and the week's been better and the following week was better. So. I just thought, you know, I'm going to just share this on my podcast because I want all of you to not, you know, get this message of like, Oh, I just need to feel good. I just need to feel happy. I need to feel okay.

All the time. I can't feel this. I can't feel that. That is not the message I want to send you. I want to just send you that. I want you to recognize when you are having negative moods, being able to identify your thoughts, you know, that are creating your negative moods and seeing if they're hot and seeing if you can manage them better.

Right, and having more balanced thoughts, so I may still feel sad or depressed or overwhelmed or insecure or worried or frightened, but it's maybe a 10 or 15 percent, not 80, and that's manageable. Or sometimes I do need to sit down and just cry and let it all out, because maybe I haven't been crying about things that are going on in my life, and I've had clients share that too, that when they start crying, they're like, oh, this is good, I haven't cried about this.

And I was worried about that, you know, just kind of feeling numb or I wasn't allowing myself to really grieve and feel my feelings, right? So again, I hope you can work on, you know, getting to know yourself as well as you can so you can make good decisions for yourself and have good judgment about what's going to help you.

So I know I talked a lot about things I did for myself. And I did mention talking with my husband about some stuff, but yes, if you have a partner, your friends, co workers, you know, siblings, whatever, whoever it is in your life, please reach out and share with others where you're at. Not about them fixing it or telling you it's all going to be okay or them trying to, or them trying to fix it.

But, you know, just saying, I just need to talk. I just need somebody else to know where I'm at. You know, it's not about carrying the heavy load by yourself. It's not having to fix everything on your own. You know, lots of times people give me a different perspective or a different view or something to do that maybe I didn't think of myself or help me just get going, get moving, you know?

And sometimes they might say, Hey, I'm gonna come by and get you. We're just gonna go take a walk. That's great. Maybe that's what you need that just extra support. So you know, your resources are super important. That's really part of your behavior is reaching out. Alright, so we want to figure out what am I thinking that's making me feel this way?

What are my behaviors? Am I isolating? Am I pulling back? Am I not taking care of myself? And what are my physical reactions, right? If I feel like I can't stop crying, I'm crying too much I'm not eating, maybe my sleep isn't good, I'm feeling shaky, I'm CBT, right? Your thoughts create your moods, which affects your behaviors, your physical reactions, and then your environment that you're in.

Right? So if you got a lot of stressors going on like I did that week, you know, what's my environment like? Am I in a good environment? Do I need to reach out to my environment, which might be my support system? You know, if I'm in therapy and I haven't been in a while, maybe I should just do a booster session.

Let me reach out to my therapist. Or if I'm not meeting in a few weeks, I have clients call me all the time. Hey, can I see you this week? Something came up. You know, you don't have to stick to your schedule if your therapist can see you sooner. If you have to even just do a phone session. Right? Use your resources you've created for yourself.

If you're using the Mind Over Mood workbook, go back to that, open it up, look at some of your Othal records and see what you've come up with when you've been in other stressful situations. So there's lots and lots of things that you can do. And if you're just getting started with listening to my podcast, you know, just starting to learn the CBT, right?

Reading the workbook, doing, you know, the tools and the exercises I share and using them. That's where you can get started. day one right here. Also, if you go onto my website, which is mycognitivebehavioraltherapy. com, you have a lot of resources on there. I have newsletters, I have blogs, I have a couple videos.

I have a page where it talks about what are the first kind of like five or six things you can do to kind of get started to living better and using the CBT tools. So that's a resource for you. Again, all my podcasts are resources for you. And I always encourage you to reach out to me if you're trying to find somebody to you know, see for therapy.

You're not able to find anybody. I can always help you with that. So, you know, you're not alone. None of us are alone. None of us are alone. And all of your emails you send me and your encouragement and your support, you know, keeps me going too. I find that as a support. You know, sometimes I'll do a podcast going, Oh, I hope this is helpful.

And somebody will reach back and say, this is just what I needed to hear. Or I shared this with somebody and you know, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm like, okay, let's keep going. Let's keep sharing. Let's keep reaching out and keep teaching everyone these tools that have been a life changer for me. And I know it works if you work it and you use the tools.

It'll really make a difference. So I hope I've got you thinking. I hope you could relate a little bit. I know we all have stressors. There was nothing special about that particular week I was going through. It was just a lot, and it just made me again start thinking. My thoughts were, you know, what are the messages I'm sending to my listeners?

The goal is to have a happier, calmer, healthier life, but to also give space for the days that we do feel overwhelmed or sad or unhappy or anxious. and be able to have good self care and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves, not let it last too long, and then start moving forward again.

That would be the plan. So if you have any other questions, suggestions, you know, I love hearing from you guys, please reach out. Again, you can reach me through my website. Once again, that's MyCognitiveBehavioralTherapy.com.

You can follow me on my Instagram at My CBT Podcast.

I'm on Facebook under Dr Julie Osborn. And on my website you can find all my podcasts, my resources, and my store, which just has some fun merchandise to encourage you guys along the way as you're learning your tools where you can be reminded of my mantra. which is make decisions based on best for you, not how you feel.

If you've enjoyed this episode please hit Subscribe. And any reviews are always helpful if you're listening through Apple. It just helps get the word out more and get more people connected and listening so that we can all use our CBT tools together and live a happier life. So thanks again for listening and I hope you have a great week.

Until next time, make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.