Episode #54 

How Pets Affect Your Mental Health

Do you struggle with depression, loneliness, social anxiety or lack of connection with others?

In this episode, learn how a pet can fill the void with unconditional love and affection.

Dr Julie examines the research behind pet ownership and shares with you how owning or caring for a pet can result in a myriad of mental and physical health benefits for you.

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi, my name is Dr. Julie Osborn. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

In this podcast, I'm going to answer some questions and share with you practical ways to apply CBT principles so you can achieve a greater level of happiness and satisfaction in your life in relationships.

So in this episode, I'm going to talk about pets and your emotional wellness.

So this isn't just about talking about how great pets are, but I'm going to give you a lot of information about how they really affect your mental health and can be really beneficial and really helpful. So I've always had dogs growing up, and I think I've mentioned in one of my podcasts that I adopted Paisley over the pandemic, and she was my first rescue dog and I really love her and she's really great. And I had two other dogs with my family before that.

I had Pugsley, who was a pug, and I had Pumpkin Pie who was a long-haired dachshund. And now Paisley’s a pug.

And I've really grieved and missed when Pugsley and Pumpkin passed away and I wouldn't change a thing. But after Pumpkin passed away, my husband and I waited a couple of years until we got Paisley because we just needed some time to grieve and be ready to take that on, knowing that at some point, you know, Paisley probably will not outlive us and we'll have to go through that again.

But obviously the love we feel for our pets is worth it. And we are grateful that we have her. So she's another part of our family and she affects us in a really positive way. And so I thought, you know, this would be a really fun topic to talk about, but also, again, giving you more information and maybe some more insight and depth into what your pet does for you as well. So we would love this revolutionary breakthrough for us to find a way to lower blood pressure, lessen our depression, boost our immune systems, enhance our sense of emotional well-being, decrease our feelings of loneliness, increase motivation, increase your self-image and promote our ability to trust.

Right. But these things actually are what are given to us when we own a pet. And under most circumstances, having a pet is a healthy and really healing experience. So since ancient times, pets have definitely been a part of the human experience. Early contact between humans and dogs benefited both species. The dogs were fed scraps of food, bones and other leftovers until they developed a dependent relationship with the humans. That, in turn, the dogs served as watchdogs, warning their owners of intruders approaching their encampments.

So we've had this connection forever, right? And today, an estimated 50 million households have pets, I'm guessing is probably really more than that. And in addition to 120 million pet dogs and cats, people also make birds, fish, rabbits, hamsters, as well as a variety of exotic pets, including pigs and reptiles as their family pets. So a pet can be many different things. It's not just dogs, as I was talking about mine.

So if we look at our society, we definitely have a decrease in attachment bonds in our society over the last several decades. And we also have increased depression, loneliness, lack of trust and a heightened sense of vulnerability which people are uncomfortable with. And people don't really feel the closeness or the sense of social engagement and the intimacy with others that they experienced in the past when people were more likely to live in the same community throughout their lives, when communication was more personal and when travel was not as widely available.

So the role played by pets in our lives is likely to become more significant within this context, since pets can serve as a substitute source of attachment in our lives and pets can compensate for some of the losses we feel in a really increasingly impersonal era.

Right, with cell phones and texting and all those things. So pets are an important source of emotional attachment that can be significant and sometimes even stronger than the bonds formed between people. And the purpose of attachment is to form an affectionate bond and to provide a sense of safety and security. These needs, which emerge early in one's lives, are directed toward a few specific people, and they tend to endure throughout one's lifespan. A lot of times your parents, any relationship, not just those between people, can become an attached relationship if it feels their needs for safety and security.

And filling these needs with pets can in many cases be easier than training developers sustain them with people. Pets provide a bond that's genuine and a source of consistent, unconditional love and acceptance. Even supportive friends and family members find difficult to provide the nonjudgmental validation and acceptance that a dog or cat can give to a person. As long as it gets treated well, it will forgive us for lapses in good behavior. The pet remains loyal, consistent and shows unconditional approval because of this pets address.

At least to some degree, our need for trust, for safety, for security, for inclusion, for interaction and for consistency over time, you know, pets demand very little from us. They're a source of immediate and consistent feedback commodity. It's hard to find in the social world. Right. So how many times if you have a dog, especially you leave the house every time you come back, they act like you've been gone forever, right?

I've gone out to the mailbox. I come back and my dog still excited. I'm like, I've been gone for three seconds. But, you know, it always makes me feel good. You know, how many people come in the house and, you know, your husband and your children are jumping up and down, you know, so thrilled every time you walk through the door. Usually not. And nowadays they're watching TV. They're on their phones are distracted, but the dog comes.

You know, one of my favorite memories I want to share is when I had my long hair, dogs and pumpkin pie, just a sweetheart.

I loved him so much, so funny. And when I would come home from work, I pull into my garage, he come out, I'd open up my door, and he had that long snout, he would jump up, give me a little kiss and then run back in the house. And if that didn't happen and I came in the house, then I might like go in the bathroom. The first thing before I go into the rest of the house, he'd find me in there, jump up and give me a kiss.

I mean, it was just the greatest, greatest love and way to come back home after a long day of work that I could always count on pumpkin to give me a kiss. Hello. So it is fabulous and it is satisfying and it makes you feel great and you want to give them the world. And he did live like a king. So pets perform a really important role in our families and they provide a common focus of attention for families that may lack much to communicate about.

Some families really don't talk to each other very much. And taking care of a pet, walking the dog, feeding the pet grooming and bathing the pet are duties that can be shared by different members of a family. They tend to bring families closer together, and pets can also serve as lightning rods within family systems. Pets may provide a diversion from the conflict or the tension felt by family members.

How many times and I've been guilty of this is I'll be talking with my friends and we're just talking about our pets and telling funny stories.

I mean, they're a big part of our lives. And again, they can bring us together, especially if there's stress going on. They can also become the focus for love, which the family members may have difficulty expressing towards each other. And in many respects, some pets are definitely members of the family. I think most people I talk to you feel that way at least, and so did I. So there's lots of other benefits to pet ownership as well.

They are the ideal social interaction extra that you can have in your life. So you take your dog or even your friend's dog for a walk in the park and see how easy it is is their conversations happens all the time. I meet people when I'm walking my dog. Your physical health can be improved as well by having a pet. Studies show that people with pets make fewer doctor visits and the retaliator rate is one third that of people with our pets.

Women living alone who have little contact with the outside world revealed that having a pet has the same cardiovascular benefit as social interactions with other people.

I remember when my mom lived in a senior apartment. There are a lot of people there that had dogs and that was probably one of their strongest interactions. And some of those people didn't come out to much of their apartments, but they had their they had their dogs. There was an Australian study. They found that pet owners had lower blood pressure readings than those without pets, and they also had lower levels of cholesterol. And this was really interesting. I thought that males with AIDS who own a dog or cat are less likely to be depressed than male AIDS patients without a pet.

And one study even showed that pets can make psychotherapy progress faster, which I really love. Right. So despite the many benefits people experience from pet ownership, I just want to emphasize that having pets, not for everyone. So listen to this podcast. Don't think you have to go get a pet. Some people have really bad allergies. You know, some people should not try to have a dog or cat in the house because of that, you know, and unless you're able to keep your pet vaccinated, healthy, groomed and well-fed, it's advisable not to be a pet owner.

And if the pet becomes ill, you know, the financial consequences could create a real problem.

So you really need to be ready and prepared to have a pet, because I know it's exciting to see a cute little dog or cat when you go to Pet Fair and you want to take all of them home, but you really need to think, you know, can I afford the food? The vet, you know what? If something happens, my dog can I have, you know, take them and take care of them. Ear infections are so common right now.

I mean, by the medicine, it can be a real expense. So you want to be prepared and not just take in a pet because, you know, you feel like you're right. So going back to my mantra, making decisions based on what's best for you as well as your family and your pets, not how you feel.

Pets can be our most personal and trustworthy companions in our lives. They're always there for us, regardless of how we look or feel, whether we're thinking positive about ourself or not, they accept us unconditionally and caring for. It helps to structure day and give the day at the meaning and structure can always help with depression for sure, as well as anxiety, having that structure of showing the nurturance, loving your pet and being able to take care of them, take them for walks when you might feel like there's nobody else out there that really understands you.

You can always go to your pet and you can receive and get love from them, which can make all the difference. Pets can also enhance our social lives and petting animals seems to lower blood pressure, enhance our immune system. So, you know, you're giving to them and they love being petted, but it also giving back to you as well. You know, we all have heard, assuming most of us have heard that, you know, a lot of pets, especially dogs that are pet therapy dogs, you know, go into psychiatric hospitals, going to nursing homes.

You know, I remember when my dad was actually in hospice that someone brought their dog. My dad loved dogs, brought their dog in to just visit with the patients and spend time with them. And you just see you just brought a smile to his face and he just loved being able to pet the dog and feeling that unconditional love from a dog that he just meant for five minutes. So that was really cool. So let's talk about the difficulty of when appetizers lost in the sense of grief can be really devastating.

And this is the part where I was saying that for me, my family, we waited a couple of years to kind of be ready to really take the son, knowing that this loss might be there at some point. And many people are unable to understand the enormity of the grief experienced by a pet owner when their pet does die or is lost and the grieving pet owners often left to process their feelings of loss without adequate social support.

And the degree of attachment we feel with our pet who dies is a good indicator of how intense the grief reaction will be. Pensioners experience depression and a significant disruption in their functioning after the death of a pet, especially the attachment bonus strong. I understand that people experienced the loss of a pet in a manner similar to the grief response. When a beloved person dies and the grief process usually begins with a feeling of numbness and disbelief, then there's a period of sadness, guilt, depression.

Sometimes a person in grief over the loss of the person also experience anger, maybe towards the veterinarian or towards the person who may cause an accident that killed their pet, or even towards friends who don't seem to understand the degree of pain they're experienced by grieving the pet. I think a lot of people minimizing, like you can just get another dog. It's not just another dog. It's not just another like, oh, your car broke. We'll get another car.

Like, this is an emotional attachment. So it's important to understand what your friend, your family member, someone you care about going through. So a brief pet owner may even direct anger inwardly towards him or herself if there's an overwhelming feeling of guilt over the death of the pet. So grief reactions often involve preoccupation with thoughts and memories of the pets and a decreased ability to focus and concentrate on other things. And over time, especially, it's typical, you know, that you get to the acceptance of the loss and eventually openness to having a new pet.

I tend to tell people, you know, it's not always the best idea to just get a new pet immediately after the death of a previous pet, because we need time to process the death of the first pet. But that's not absolute. Like nothing's absolute right that some people do get a new pet right away. And that's the best thing for them. I've known some people that have said they've tried to wait and they were just so sad. And getting the new pet made all the difference.

So, you know, take time to reflect, talk with your family, talk with friends to decide what the best thing is. It's not about running out and getting a new pet and thinking you're not going to have to feel the pain because you still will. But that's still might be OK. Maybe the love and unconditional love you get from the new pet will help you process the grief. But you're still going to have to go through that loss and you never know how you're going to handle it.

You know, I never really thought that I'd get or keep, I should say, my dog's ashes. And I've kept both of my dogs ashes and they're up on my mantle. And I have some fun things around them. And I feel good when I see them and think about them and I feel their energy in the house. So in the past, I was sad. Oh, no, I wouldn't do that. But I ended up doing that because I felt that close to them.

So whatever works for you is is what works for you, because there's so many individual differences in how we react to the loss of our pet. So people who live alone or lack strong social support may have more difficulty adjusting to a pet's death. And people who feel others understand their loss seem to process their grief reactions more quickly, whether Pet Day suddenly or after a long illness, will have an impact on the grief process as well. And if a person has had other losses recently, they need to process these losses.

Compounds mourning for the pets. The decision to euthanize an animal can be especially difficult and can complicate the grieving process. And feelings of guilt can be devastating for the pet owner who chooses euthanasia because of the expense involved in medical procedures. So even more money is not the issue. There may be some guilt associated with not having done more to prevent the illness or injury that led to the decision to. Euthanize the pets so we can always go back, I shoulda, woulda, coulda.

But, you know, you need to make the best decision. And in normally, you know, you've been there and you can help you with that, too. And and I wanted to mention when they were you know, I meant when I was talking about whether your pet dies quickly or they're sick, you know, I had both my first pug, Pugsley, was six and a half. And we plan the day to take her to take him in.

And we were prepared and I was still a loss. But it was different than Pumpkin, who within twenty four hours we had to put down. It was just horrific and shocking and it was a different feeling of grief that I had with him. So it does depend on the circumstance. So you got to give yourself some grace and give yourself that time and understanding that, you know, it is a real loss and however you're grieving, it is OK.

You know, our society lacks a set of rituals to help us deal with the death of a pet. So there's some suggestion that process in loss of a companion animals more difficult than mourning the death of a person because we really don't know what to do. It's not like there's a funeral. We have family members. We get together. We process that right. So our society, regarding expressing grief and rituals for mourning the loss of patches, discouraged a lot of times, too.

And we do find the death of an animal is not as worthy of as much acknowledgment as death of a person. This approach fails to acknowledge the reality of the situation, which an animal may be our closest companion, like a surrogate child, especially if you don't have children or you're an empty nest family and a source of emotional and physical comfort for several years. So we may come to depend on the unconditional love and validation that animals can provide us, and we may not get that anywhere else.

Caring for an animal may be an important part of our structure. Daily routine, you know, exercise. Your animal keeps us in physical shape and then when our pet dies, the impact on our lives can be greater than when a person dies because the pet is giving a structure where maybe the person in a life wasn't necessarily doing that. So there's obviously a lot to think about. Right. If you wanted to hear more about grief and CBT, I do have a podcast on that as well that you can go back to listen to that might be helpful.

So one last thing I want to talk about today, just to give you guys some insight and maybe some help if you have children, is the effect of pet loss on children. So many children describe their pet as their best friend or even a sibling. Right, my brother or sister. And the relationship between children and pets may be more important now than it's been in the past, because more children now grew up in smaller families, often with parents both working outside the home.

So children might spend a considerable amount of time alone and the pet takes on the role of the companion in the child's daily activities. So a child's pet does not judge or make the child feel inadequate and can actually give the child a sense of self-worth and caring for a pet. It enhances the child's learning, a sense of responsibility as well. Right? A lot of kids get pets and parents like, OK, you're going to have to, you know, take them for walks and clean up the backyard and make sure they get their best.

And so it's a great way to have that responsibility. So the death of a pet can be profound, especially if this is their first experience with death or loss. Also have a child response. The loss of a pet depends on his or her level of cognitive development, the degree of attachment to the pet and the circumstances surrounding the loss and especially the support available to the child. So there's been studies that have shown that children display more intense grief response and longer periods of bereavement to loss of a pet than do adults.

And unlike adults, children are noted to grieve in spurts because they cannot deal with intense, prolonged grieving and adult might be alarmed at the length of time a child grieves, the loss of a pet and the intensity of the child's grief response may serve as a constant, painful reminder of the parent's own feelings regarding the loss to them. So when children grieve the loss of the pet, they need the support understand of an adult who may be reluctant to share the intensity of his or her own grief feelings around the child.

Even when adults model expressions of grief, the child may be confused when their feelings are not consistent with those of the adult. Although children may experience a strong emotional grief response, they also could withdraw and show their feelings less outwardly than do adults as well. Children also withdraw when they perceive that the adults are not sensitive to the importance of the pet in their life. So adults need to keep in mind the following points when a child is loss of a pet.

So give the child clear, age appropriate information about the loss of the pet. Keep in mind, the young children think in concrete terms. I know that when one of my dogs passed away trying to explain to my granddaughter, cremation was very confusing and I needed to be careful how I kind of share that my one dog was on my mantel. So that's what I'm talking about when they're thinking in concrete terms. So just, you know, think about where your child's at and how they process information.

Also allow the child to see you grieve, like cry and talk about your pet and share how sad you feel. This is really good role modeling and it shows your child had express their own grief. You want to validate your child's emotions and comfort them. And think of this. Is a good opportunity to teach your child about death if they're old enough to grasp the concept and you can create your own rituals with your child regarding I know some people that have had fish that have died, that they'll bury them in the backyard or, you know, maybe make a little memorial in the backyard or if you decided the ashes in the house, where do you want to have them?

And, you know, there's lots of great things you can do to help your child and yourself get through the grief when you do lose a pet. So I know that's all the sad part. The happy part is hopefully we have our pet for 10, 15 years with us, a huge part of our lives and a happy memories and makes us smile. And again, I still laugh and smile and share stories with my family about my dogs. I even have pictures of them in my office that I get to look at every day.

And it makes my heart warm. And I know what's good for my emotional health. And I have good, healthy thoughts when I think about them. So I just wanted to talk about something, not that it was all light, but something fun about the pets in our lives. And I hope if you if you do have a pet in your life that you find as much joy as I do and they give you that unconditional love and, you know, give them the time and love that they deserve.

Sometimes, you know, it's a little extra work at the end of the day or you don't feel like taking a walk. But it'll probably be good for you to put on that leash and get outside, get some fresh air. And it's not just what you're doing for your dog, but you know what your dog's doing for you as well, or having your cat curl up in your lap and petting them. And, you know, all the just all the wonderful things that a pet brings to your life.

If that's something that's in your life. There's also ways to spend time with pets if you don't have one. I've gone to a Greyhound rescue where they just needed their dogs to be walked. So me and my kids, when we got to give the dog a bath, which is super fun, and we just felt good giving back pet shelters always need things like blankets, newspaper if you can donate food. So, you know, even if you feel like I can't have a pet or I can still, you know, be of service, you can be a pet walker, make some money on the side.

You know, you can go and take dogs out and walk them and enjoy that time. And then you take them back to their owners and you're good to go. So it's not all or nothing whether you own a pet or not, they can still be a part of your life if you want. If that's important, you think that you know a good thing. So I hope this was helpful. Are you thinking about having a pet? What's important?

Understanding that could help your mental health and give you that unconditional love that we all desire and deserve.

So that's it for today. I hope this was helpful for you.

If you have a burning therapy question you'd love answered or if you have suggestions or any feedback, you can email me at MyCBTPodcast@gmail.com.

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Thanks for joining me. I'm going to go take a walk with my Paisley!

Stay safe. I'll see you next week.

And remember to always make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.