Episode #122

Labeling Yourself & CBT

Many people identify themselves as being their mental health disorder or challenge.

This can create problems because it can make you feel painted into a corner with no way to change things.

Since our brains believe what we tell them, how can you use CBT tools to make changes?

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share with you how to use your CBT tools for labeling and self-identifying.

Click to listen now!

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi, this is Dr. Julie. Welcome to My CBT Podcast. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

So first, let me say Happy New Year!

I hope your holidays went well and you're ready for 2024. I hope this will be a happy and healthy New Year for all of us. And also a New Year where we make changes and refine our CBT tools and all of our skills that we're learning along the way to really make a difference.

I hope you guys know you can follow me on Instagram at My CBT Podcast, and people send me messages all the time.

I just have a quick message from Caitlin who shared that,

“I found you this morning and I've listened to Six Today! The core beliefs, one really hit home. Thank you for using your voice to share it to others.”

Thank you to Caitlin, and I love you guys reaching out and letting me know how the podcast is helping and CBT. Any ideas for this new year on episode you'd like me to do and issues that you're dealing with that maybe I haven't touched on yet that I could teach you more about the CBT or things you even want me guys to go over again, maybe even more in-depth.

But today, starting off the new year, I wanted to talk to you about the importance of not identifying yourself with whatever your mental health issue is. What I mean by that is don't make yourself your diagnosis. A lot of people that I meet will identify themselves as I'm a depressed person, I'm an anxious person, I'm a traumatized person, I'm an obsessive person, I'm an angry person. That's how they define themselves. That's different with mental health. You don't see people with medical, they don't introduce themselves as I'm a diabetic person, I'm a cancer person. They'll tell you, I have cancer, I have diabetes, I have high blood pressure issues, but they don't identify themselves like people do with mental health. There's probably many different reasons why that is, and maybe because it feels all-consuming, although medical stuff could be all-consuming as well. It's probably a real personal reason why people describe themselves that way or what people have told them, or maybe how you've read things in books or magazines or things on the internet. I'm not here to explain why people do that necessarily, but I want to bring attention and talk about how to change that and why is that important.

Because when you describe yourself that I am a depressed person, I don't know anything else about you, and I don't think you're focusing on other things as well. It tells our brain, because remember, with CBT, I talk a lot about what we tell ourselves is really important because our brain doesn't challenge us. Our brain is like, Oh, you are a depressed person, or you are an angry person, or you are a loser, or you are a failure. Whatever we tell ourselves, our brain just goes along with it. That's just the way it goes. We have to tell our brain something different. When we define ourselves, label ourselves, and labeling is one of the cognitive distortions. We don't want to label ourselves. It's going to make you more depressed, more anxious, more angry, feel more like a loser or failure, whatever you're telling yourself, it's going to make it even worse because it's very absolute and it doesn't sound like you can change it. That's who I am. That's not true. You may have depression, you may have anxiety, you may be angry, maybe you have failed at things, but that doesn't mean that's who you are as a person.

Those are aspects about you. Those are things that you struggle with. Let's say you do have depression. I have depression right now, but I'm also very successful in my career or I have a really happy marriage, even though I feel depressed or my kids are doing well. I'm loved by many. My dogs are crazy about me when I walk in the house. I'm a good neighbor. I volunteer, I give back to others. I like to read. I love going to the movies. There's so much about you that I want you to start recognizing and catch yourself when you say, Oh, I am a depressed person, or I'm an anxious person, because I know personally and professionally that we can change the things that we're struggling with. We can eliminate them sometimes, and sometimes we can just make them very manageable. So even if they are in our lives still, we do maybe tend to get depressed easier or tend to be more anxious or tend to get angry easily. We can manage those feelings by identifying our thoughts and by using the tools that I teach you guys, all of the CBT tools. Because most of those feelings you're coming up against, I shouldn't even say most, right?

That's not right for me to say most because I really believe that all of those feelings, and I know by research showing that are based on how you're thinking. So circumstances can create those feelings. If someone dies that you're close to, of course, you're going to feel sad. Again, it's not about that you're not going to have negative feelings. All of our feelings are important. I want you to feel all of your feelings, but I don't want you to think that's who you are, that you're not just your feelings or you're not just what you're going through. It's a situation in your life. We can change the situation if you're motivated and you're willing to do some work and to catch other people in your life that you care about, because I'm sure you've met other people that will say, Oh, yeah. Oh, hi. I'm a depressed person. I'm an anxious person, especially with anxiety. I would say, Oh, I'm an anxious person, so I wouldn't do that, or I don't go here, or I don't go to or don't invite me to come over, or I'm not willing to go out and do this because I'm an anxious person.

Well, that is like just putting yourself in a corner. Where do you go from there? I'm going to let my anxiety control my life, or I'm an angry person. I can't be around others that don't think exactly like I do or don't like all the things I like to do. I mean, that just closes off your world, right? Because you're angry that people think differently and maybe you get offended by that. But I think when I've talked to others, it's like, okay, if somebody really says something that's offensive, of course, which is different than hearing other people's opinions, I can agree to disagree, but I don't have to be angry and not expose myself to different venues I want to go to, different people, different cultures for me to be open and not just so black and white in my thinking and closed off. Or I'm depressed, I can't handle that. I won't enjoy that. I'll just be a downer to everybody. You're going to just say no, no, no, no, no, no to life, basically. If you label yourself and you use your diagnosis, whether it was given to you by a professional or you diagnosed yourself or family members or friends labeled you, that you're going to really have a small world because you're going to allow your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings to dictate the choices that you're going to make in life because you're saying, This is who I am.

What I'm telling you is it's not who you are. It may be something you suffer with right now. It may be something you've never really addressed or you were scared to or you haven't found the right help or you don't have tools. Sometimes it's a way of coping, and sometimes really it's just an easier way to avoid life. Oh, you're anxious. Okay, I won't push you then. Oh, she's depressed. Don't even ask her. She doesn't want to leave the house. He gets so angry, don't invite him and don't even bring up that subject. Now it's affecting other people's behaviors, but it's really your way of closing off the world. It's your way of controlling your environment when I'm guessing you feel out of control. It's easy. It's easy to keep doing the same thing, and it's easy to avoid. I'm not saying you feel good when you're sitting at home going, God, I wish I had the courage to go do something. But it's easier. It's predictable. I know how to be home and depressed and anxious. I don't know how to be out there in the world and try to enjoy myself and be comfortable.

I'm not saying that that's not your truth, but that's what you might be doing right now. So labeling yourself gives you permission to not do things because this is what might happen. Nothing is going to change until you start making changes. Staying at home and avoiding the world because you don't feel good for whatever reason doesn't get you better. Over and over and over again, I could tell you a thousand stories of people coming to me and saying, Oh, my God, Dr. Osborn, I went into this, I went into that. I can't believe how much fun I had. I actually went alone and tried this out, and I met all these great people. I was better than I thought I would be. I had fun. I didn't think it was going to be fun. I want to start doing this every week. I just sit there and I just have this huge smile on my face of like, Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We have to start trying different things. We have to push ourselves. We have to start thinking differently to start saying like, Yeah, you know what? I do have depression because of A, B, and C, and it makes sense that I do feel sad because of A, B, and C, but I'm not stuck.

I am not a depressed person. I'm someone that struggles with depression. I feel depressed, but I can do something different. There's so many other things about me. I'd love you to start off with just taking out a piece of paper, and I want you to first start off with, what are the aspects about you? What are your characteristics? Not that you're depressed or anxious or angry. What are all the things about you that make you who you are? Because there's so much that you're ignoring, there's so much that you're not appreciating, and there's so much that you're keeping from the rest of us that we probably would love about you. You could probably really add to our lives and to the world. It's going to be a hard list to write if this is where you're at right now. But if you get two or three things down on the paper, I just want you to know I am personally cheering for you, and I'm jumping up and down. Like woo-hoo, you got to give yourself a pat on the back, okay? This is a start. If you have anyone in your life, just one person that you really feel close to and say, What are the things you like about me?

What do you see about me that maybe I don't see myself? They'll probably be able to come up with 10, 15 things. I know when I work with my clients, they'll come up with maybe two or three, and then I'm like, Oh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. All these other things I know about you, these are great things that you can put down. That's a start to start seeing like, Yes, I struggle with this or that, but I also have all of these other qualities, and I'm going to stop calling myself a depressed person, an anxious person, an obsessive person, an angry person. Those are things I want to work on so that I can manage it so it's not managing me, but I'm also going to see everything else about me and start to love those things and start to give myself the opportunity to go see the world and let's see how the world reacts to me and be able... On your list, you could say, Hey, I was invited. I'm getting invited to more things because I'm putting myself out there more. I'm sharing a little bit about myself when it's comfortable and appropriate and people like me, people want to spend time or people laugh at my jokes or people compliment my smile, or the energy that maybe I bring to the room that I'm like, What?

I never saw that in myself. But going and asking when you're comfortable doing that and just having experiences and taking note that other people don't see me as what I label myself, I'm creating that. When I tell people that, their perception of me is going to be different, but that's because I'm doing it, not because of them. What's my perception? I'm not talking about being real. I'm not talking about being fake and go put on a happy face, even though I'm miserable behind it. I'm like being real and authentic. It's not about being happy all the time either. Hey, I'm having a hard day today, but that's not me every day. If I share with my close friends and family and people I trust, Hey, today's a hard day, they don't see me as like, Oh, now Julie is going to have a hard day all the time. No, it's like, Okay, she's having a hard day today, but I know she's resilient and she uses her tools and she practices what she preaches and she'll get through this, but I'm going to support her for now. She said, All wonderful things about me and the things people like about me are still there.

If my friend calls me and says I'm just having a really hard time, I don't be, Oh, my God, now they're going to be depressed and terrible forever. It's like, Well, of course, you're having a hard time because of what you shared with me. But although those other aspects about them are still there, and that's what's going to help them get better and get through. Hopefully, I'm part of that to support them. You can see as I'm talking, it's just so big and so much broader, like who we are and what we bring to the world if we allow ourselves. I've talked to some people who are like, Well, I don't meet a lot of people like me. Okay, then go find people like you. You're not the only one. You're not unique to that point. I've heard the term, or they're saying your uniqueness will kill you. What that means is you think you're so unique and different that there's no one out there can relate to you. There's no one out there that could support you. It's really another way of just giving you permission to not really do anything and not reach out.

If there's something about you or how you live your life or what you like to do that's different, that's fine. You're going to find other people like that as well, but you got to go find them. I think an example that comes to mind right now is I meet people that may be in their late 30s, 40s, let's say, whether they have a partner or not, but they don't have children and all their friends have children. I have kids. I have kids. When they're young, you're very involved in sports, school, you're hanging out with the other parents. I understand that becomes your community. A lot of times your friends without kids, because I've learned this for my clients, they just don't reach out and they're like, Oh, or they don't want to hang out with you all the time because you're talking too much about your kids and all that stuff. But there are plenty of people, because I meet them, that are in that age range that have chosen not to have children, but you just got to go find them. There's lots of ways to find that out in the community. Don't be like, Oh, all my friends are like this, so I can't find anybody.

I'm stuck. You're not stuck. It's going to take some effort. Might be a little uncomfortable, might be a drag sometimes, it might not always work out. But you're not alone. Whatever things that are important to us, there's other people out there, we just got to go find them. You have to be willing and open to do that. Then you're like, Oh, there's my group, right? I'm not alone. There's nothing different about me. I'm not weird. It's all cool, and now I can enjoy this. I don't have to keep labeling myself of like, I'm the only one, or nobody understands me, or nobody has these interests, because it's just not true. I learn all the from my clients different activities that are out there, different meetup groups. I'm like, I never even heard of that. I didn't even know that was a thing. There's so much out there, but we have to go and explore that and take time to develop those other parts of us and not get caught up in this mental health issue of labeling yourself as your diagnosis because there's nothing that it gives to you. There's literally no benefit in it.

There's no benefit. The other tool you can use also, which is a CBT tool, and I've used it with many clients, is a cost benefit analysis. Now, a lot of people use this just in business, right? But you can use it regarding this. Let's say the issue is labeling myself as my diagnosis. You put that on the top, identifying myself as a depressed person or however you want to word it, and then you're going to put a line down the paper, and on the left side, you're going to put advantages of that, labeling yourself as a depressed, anxious, angry person, whatever that might be. On the right, you're going to write down disadvantages of labeling myself as a depressed, anxious, angry person, whatever else you're labeling yourself as. Again, what are the advantages? It gives me permission not to go places. I can say no. I can get sympathy from people. It maybe brings attention to me also. It gives me permission to drink, to eat too much, to stay in bed all day. These are advantages, even though I know they sound negative, that there's a reason you keep doing this, possibly. What are the disadvantages?

The disadvantages is it does give me permission to do unhealthy things. The disadvantages is I don't really have a social life. The disadvantage is that it really turns people off when I introduce myself that way. Instead of saying, Yeah, I've struggled with depression, which a lot of people might say, Oh, me too. I'm a depressed person. I don't know if I want to develop a relationship with you now. If you're a depressed person, if you're meeting people new initially. Those are disadvantages. I'm labeling myself. It gives people permission to label me as well. I'm judging myself, I think, negatively. It doesn't motivate me to change. I think that I'm stuck. I only see a little part of the world. I may be more pessimistic. These are lots, I'm just getting started, but these are lots of disadvantages. Then at the end, once you get them down, and again, you don't have to finish in one sitting. I always tell you guys, whenever you're doing your cognitive behavioral therapy tools, exercises, take your time, don't rush. The more time you take and really do it thoroughly, the more you're going to get out of it. Once you've listed your advantages and your disadvantages on the cost benefit analysis, then on the very bottom, you're going to give it a percentage, right?

What's more out of 100? Say you might say, Yeah, the disadvantages are really at 85% and the advantages are only at 15. This isn't really working for me. I really have to start making some changes because this is all of the negative stuff that it's creating that I never really thought about. It's a really great tool you can use for anything. I've talked about this in many other podcasts for perfectionism, the advantages and disadvantages. That's a big one for people that are trying to be perfectionists. With any situation, it's a really great tool to use and it's simple to use, it makes sense. Again, you can get feedback from others listening in my other podcast. When I've used this, you can get some other ideas. That's another great tool to say, What are the advantages? What are the disadvantages? Thinking about, Am I even doing this to myself? I know a lot of you guys might not even realize until you listen to this podcast like, Oh, I do do that. I do say that. Or I've had people say, Stop saying you're a depressed person, but I really didn't pay attention. I was like, Yeah, whatever.

They don't understand. There's my health law. They don't understand. Now I can just shut them down and I don't have to listen. I keep doing what I'm doing because I know how to do this. Right? So be mindful, start asking yourself, Is this what I'm focusing on? My diagnosis? And if it is, what other aspects are there to me? And if you are working with a therapist already or if you get started, share this. Say, I've been given this diagnosis and I've just attached myself to it and it's not helping me. I'll have people saying, Oh, what's my diagnosis? Sometimes I say, Well, why is it you want to even have some label? I'll explain to them, and in the Mind Over Mood book in chapters 13 and 14, which talks about depression, anxiety, there is an inventory and it talks about symptoms. So it's good to be educated, of course. Like, Oh, these are the symptoms of depression. These are the symptoms of anxiety. That's good, but I'm not going to label myself with that. At least I know what's going on. Because sometimes I'll have people come in that say I'm depressed and they find out, Oh, actually, I'm anxious, and vice versa, and they overlap.

It's not one or the other. Or like, Oh, you know what? I am really angry, and I didn't even get that. I didn't really identify anger, but that's really what's going on. You want to be educated. Why am I feeling this way? What's going on? Why am I thinking this way? All of that, right? What are these? Like, Oh, my neck's really bugging me and none of my doctors can find anything. Oh, that's my anxiety. That's my stress. In those ways, of course, we want to know what's going on and to work on those to get rid of it. But share with your therapist that I realize I'm labeling myself. Can you walk me through that? Can you educate me a little more about… Is that even the correct diagnosis? There's two reasons I've always said that I diagnose people. One, it helps me personally as a professional with your treatment plan. And second is this usually insurance to ask if you're using insurance. Those are really the only two reasons that I really come up with a diagnosis because it does help me say, Okay, this is what we need to work on. But I don't over-focus on it with my clients because I don't want them to get too attached to it.

We want to start using tools, thinking differently for you to start seeing your sofa who you really are, and that I may have to manage this, but that it's not all of who I am and it's not how I'm going to introduce myself to anybody, especially myself. When I start giving my brain better messages about me, and I start thinking differently about myself, and I start creating new core beliefs that I am lovable, I am good enough, I am worthy, I am successful, I am deserving, all of that is going to make me feel better and see myself in a different light. I really just want to share with you guys how important and really passionate I feel about this because I've just seen it to be such a problem and it doesn't help whatsoever, and I want more for you guys. I know that you can be better and be happier and feel better about yourself and have healthy core beliefs so that you can really change your life if you're not happy where it's at and start reaching your goals and being okay, being uncomfortable, because that's why we have to sometimes go through that discomfort to get to comfort and exposing ourselves to the things that we fear or we're anxious about to get past it so we can manage our symptoms instead of them managing us.

Think about this rather for yourself. If you know someone else that talks about themselves this way, please share this podcast and start using your CBT tools. Remember, every time you have a negative mood, you want to ask yourself, What am I thinking? That's the first place to start. Do your homework. The more you put into it, the more you're going to get out of it. It does not take long to get better if you're really working at it. That I have seen over and over again to my delight. I practice everything I preach, you guys. I do thought records every day because we all got those 80, 90,000 thoughts. Nothing has changed because it's the new year. We still got those many thoughts going on, and we need to identify them and work through them and love ourselves enough and give ourselves permission to do good things for ourselves, not give ourselves permission to do negative things or not to do anything. I hope this was helpful, got you thinking.

Again, please share this with anything you might find that they may find helpful, where to find me. My website is under mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm on Instagram at My CBT Podcast.

I'm on Facebook under Dr. Julie Osborn.

Please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing your feedback.

If you listen to this on Apple, please hit, Subscribe. Reviews are really always helpful if you could take the time, just gets the word out there more.

Again, my intention is always is to have the world no CBT tools. I think you'll make this world a better place.

Again, wishing you a really happy New Year. I hope if you do make any resolutions, it will be to love yourself more and to work on yourself this year and make it a great one.

Always make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.