Episode #147

Why I’m Feeling Full & Grateful Right Now

Is there something that fills you with gratitude & joy?

I got to have that experience recently and I wanted to share with you some of the wonderful things I learned.

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share with you some powerful tools that help me feel full and grateful.

Click to listen now!

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, it's Dr. Julie from My CBT Podcast. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

Thanks for being here with me today. I'm going to start off with the email like I normally do, sharing just some feedback that I've gotten from a listener, which I always appreciate from you guys.

It starts off saying,

“Hi, Dr. Julie.

“Thank you so much for the time and care you put into making your podcast. I came across them while listening and searching for help with CBT to help me assist a client. I work as a support worker for those with physical, emotional, and mental challenges. Initially, I thought I'd just find help for my client, but your podcast has helped me personally as well. I'm an older lady in my early '60s, and I've had a lot of life challenges, and I'm fairly well adjusted mentally and emotionally these days. I use a lot of your techniques, but have either discovered them myself through my own self-evaluation or through other education I've stumbled across. I love listening to them. I wanted to thank you for making them so accessible. I listen to them on Spotify. I soak up your knowledge and do my best to pass it on. I'm always encouraging my friends and family to listen to your podcast as I know they would benefit greatly from them.

And by the way, I'm in Australia. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

So I appreciate that. And I love hearing from people all over the world, which is super cool. Just know that I'm reaching all you guys and making a difference is what makes it all worth it. So please continue to reach out. And if you have questions, she ended up sharing a whole story with me, and I emailed her back and gave her some advice, and she was very appreciative of that. So I definitely get back to my emails and my questions and take your suggestions for future podcast.

So again, thanks so much for that. So what I wanted to share with you today, because I'm very filled with joy and gratitude attitude after attending a conference this past weekend. When you guys hear this, it'll probably be a few weeks out. But I thought, I'm just going to talk about what I learned, give all the speakers some obviously credit for what they taught me, and Just sharing with all of you that if you have things that really fill you up and make you feel full and you love, make sure you do them.

I don't go to a lot of conferences like I did in the past. I like to find ones that I really get some meaning out of and I can take back to my office and actually practice some tools. So I'm really specific about what I go to. But after spending the day at this conference, it just reminded me that I need to find more during the year. And then it happened on my way home. It was my sister-in-law Simone. Hey, Simone. It was her birthday, and my husband called us Happy birthday to her, and she's an interior designer, and she was sharing with me that it was her birthday, so she went to a museum up in LA, and she was full and just loved it because that's her thing. She loves art and she gets it, and she just felt so full like I do with the conference. And she said to me, I need to do this more often, Julie. I need to go. It's close to my home. I can go. I just love it, and I don't take the time because we all get so busy. Heres will be going to museums.

I love going to conferences. Whatever it is you love, ask yourself, is it going to plays, is it musicals, going to concerts? Whatever it is that fills you up, make the time and seek it out and give yourself that that love and that self-care you deserve to do the things that you really, really enjoy. I know I've shared with you guys before, too, with me and my husband, one of the things that I was really attracted to about when I first met him is that he's into personal growth like I am. It's really cool that we get to go do these things together, and we both got a lot out of it and just remembered how much we love going to things like this. And there's always so much to learn and different perspectives. And there's so many people out there that are sharing their knowledge, and we have to just seek them out. So take some time to, again, ask yourself, am I doing the things that I love? Mine maybe is part of my professional life, but it's also personal. So I'm not saying it needs to be about your career whatsoever. It's just in general, what is it that you love to do?

And am I doing that for myself? Whatever that might look like. So I wanted to share that first. So let me give you a little background on the conference and how I got there. So if you guys have not listened to my podcast on spirituality and CBT, I recommend you listen to it, especially this time of year with the holidays. And I I interviewed my rabbi, Rick Steinberg, and he's also a licensed marriage family therapist, and we're really good friends. I found out, actually, that he was going to be interviewing Dr. Eady Eager, who wrote the book The Choice, which I've also spoke to you guys about in some past podcast. She's a Holocaust survivor. She's 97 years old now, but she's still teaching. He was going to be doing an interview with her, and I was like, Oh, my gosh. She's going to be at the temple and all that stuff. I was really excited about it, and we spoke about it. Then he her foundation was having a conference, and I wanted to go. He was supposed to be going, and he said maybe we would go together. So long story short, he reached out, which I'm so grateful, and said, I have an extra ticket.

I'm not going on Saturday, but if you want to go. And I asked if my husband could take his seat, and he said, Sure. And people from the foundation said, Yeah, they can come and take your ticket for that day. So me and my husband got to go. And I was, again, I'm so grateful. I know I keep repeating that to you guys, but it was just a beautiful, beautiful day. And it was one of my favorite cities here in California called La Hoya, which is in San Diego. And it's just a beautiful beach town. And it was at a beautiful event, space, and got to meet some really cool people. And so, again, I just wanted to share with you guys a little bit of all the different talks that we listened to. We were there from 9:00 to 6:00, and other than lunch, it was back after back. There were some that were just so full and felt that good exhaustion. Then The next one was like, Oh, my gosh, more and more and more. But we were able to take it all in, and I just thought it was worth sharing. Again, starting off with the main person for why we were all there together is Dr. Edith Eger, E-G-E-R.

Her book is called The Choice, and she also has a book called The Gift. And she also has a new book called The Ballerina of Auschwitz, and that's for younger adults, which would be a great book I'd recommend also. So again, she was a Holocaust survivor, became a psychologist, and the tells her story, which is incredible, and another Holocaust story, you hear them and you think that's the most unbelievable story, and then you hear another one and you're like, that's the most unbelievable. The resilience and the strength that people survive the Holocaust is just astounding. The fact that we still have some of them with us is phenomenal. We get to hear their stories. The book is about her story of the Holocaust, but also her life after and how she created the life she has today. Again, being a psychologist and who she reached out to. It's just a phenomenal book, and I just recommend it for everybody to read. She was there, but then, of course, throughout the conference, they had all different speakers. Again, I'll be talking about who the speakers are. You guys can look them up for yourself. They I'll have tons of information and things that you can learn from them.

But one of the things Dr. Eager says that I want to quote is that time doesn't heal. It's what you do with the time. Healing is possible when we choose to take responsibility, when we choose to take risks, and finally, when we choose to release the wound, to let go of the past or the grief. So the reason in her title of the book, one of the reasons of the choice, is it was the choice that she made and how to look at the situation she was in going through the Holocaust. And it really intertwines, and she does CBT as well. It really intertwines with the CBT tools I teach you guys. And I've talked about making choices, and I always tell people that you always have choices. Even if you don't like the choice, you have a choice. Because I have people say, Well, I don't have a choice because I don't like that choice. I'm like, Well, that might be true, but you still have a choice. We all have choices on how we look at things, the tools of positive reframing, changing how we think about things, having empathy for others. All of that are choices on how we see things.

Cbt talks about that it's not the situation that's upsetting, it's your perception of the situation. Because one situation might be fine to somebody else and you're super upset about it. I know at first we're like, No, it's the situation. I won't be upset if the situation didn't happen. But there's so many examples of differences people have on how they look at life. How you look at it is what's going to upset you or not upset you. Maybe bring you joy, maybe not bring you joy. The choice is knowing you have that choice to do that, that you're not a victim to the situation. You have a choice in how you think about it. That's one quote I wanted to share. Again, bringing in all the CBT tools that you can use on a daily basis and be mindful of. So one of the speakers I want to share with you is her name is Dr. Melissa Rose, and she's a professor at Pepperdine University here in California. And she talked about taking back your story. So taking back your story is, again, how do I look at it? I was thinking about, what am I going to take from this talk?

Because that's something they wanted you to assess after each speaker. Like, what am I taking from this? And I thought, have I ever taken back my story in any way? And I did take back my story And that was in my core belief podcast that when my mom left at 8, my story was that I was abandoned, that I wasn't lovable, wasn't good enough, and I was bound to be abandoned because my mom left me. And that was my story. And then I brought in people in my life, relationships that I was bound to be abandoned by them because that was my story, even though I wasn't really conscious of it. Not really, I was not. It was a subconscious belief, but I was acting it out. And once I went to therapy and once I saw how I was acting out that belief I had that I was bound to be abandoned, that I took back my story. And what I did for myself and what worked for me was being able to forgive my mother, seeing my mother as a woman, as a person, knowing my mom's story, which was very important for me to know her story.

So I could understand and see why she made the choices she made, and that it wasn't that she was leaving me, but she had to go and leave the marriage she was in with my dad and go search for this other life that she felt she desperately needed. And yes, I was affected greatly by that. But how I took back my story was that I am lovable, I am good enough. And I'm not a reflection on her leaving because it wasn't about me, even though it affected me. So that's what taking back your story is. So If you're walking around with a story, if you feel like you're a victim, not that we haven't been victims. I don't want to get split hairs here, and that could be a whole other podcast. But yes, we are victimized. We are affected by circumstances in our lives, but we don't have to live our lives like that. We can be survivors by changing how we look at our life and taking back our story. Dr. Rose, just to share something she said, was that instead of feeling fearful about your life, you need to attend it to it, which is working on it, acknowledge and then accept and know that whatever you're going through in your life, that you belong to be here and you are lovable and worthy and always will be.

No matter what happens in your life, you are always worthy just because you're a human being and you are here on Earth and you were born. And just that gives you the love that you need. And then we need to work on experiences we've been through that have affected us negatively and to, again, take back your story. That was something that was really powerful. Her story, I won't get into because I don't have enough time here, but her story she shared with us was really powerful and how she needed to take back her story to be healthy and well as well. So that was really empowering. Then there was someone else, there's his name Alex Morse, and he did a guided visualization, and those were always really powerful. I really encourage you guys. There's a lot of apps out there that can walk you through some guided visualizations, and they can be really powerful and really get you in touch, calm yourself, get in touch with what parts of your body are stressed out, and give yourself that time. Sometimes we're like, Oh, I'm busy, I'm busy. But really, if you just took five minutes, it really does calm down your whole nervous system.

It doesn't take a half an hour to do that, to start practicing that more. And that's something I'm starting to practice more as well. Sometimes I Use it to help when I go to sleep. Sometimes if my brain isn't shutting down as quickly as I need it to. Just using an app and having that visualization, someone guiding me through it, keep me on track, can be really, really helpful. So just looking and seeing how can I bring that into my world, starting with some breathing. There's lots of ways. There's nothing about being perfect by any means here. It's not there's one way to do it. You need to find what works for you. So many people have so many different avenues. Some people do yoga, Some people just take walks, some people do the meditation. So I want you to think about if you aren't already practicing something in your life, what am I willing to try and see if that will be a fit for me? So that's really important. Another experience I just wanted to share I had with someone named Paul Denistin was transformative movement. So I actually started crying during this one.

He had us just really breathing and reaching up and bringing in the energy into our bodies. Oh, over and over again. But in a big way. It wasn't just like, Oh, put your head on your chest. It was like, Put your head on your chest, rub your chest, bring your arms in, bring it in, bring it in, bring it in. Who do you think about in your life? Who do you miss? What do you miss about them? And what came to me actually was my mother, the one that I have all my issues with. And she passed away, and I was crying, and I was thinking, I miss my mom's laugh. My mom had a great laugh. Anyone that knew her would tell you the same thing. She was a really fun person. She still had a lot of childlikeness to her. And it was really warm and heartwarming to me that she's the one that came to my mind, that that's something I miss about her and that I miss her in my life. I was able to repair a lot of things with her, which I'm grateful for. And so that got me thinking that I'm really going to go seek out some classes of more maybe some Tai chi, where you're moving, in those slow movements and bringing in the energy.

So I'm excited because that's something that because it touched me in a five-minute exercise, that that's something I really connect with, and I really want to pursue that for myself. So that was really cool. Another really fabulous speaker was David Kessler. So he's an expert on grief. And he was talking about finding meaning and healing from the heartbreak of the past. So I have a podcast on grief, but his is much more in-depth, of course. And he was saying that with grief, it's not about getting past it, but that you have to learn to live with it. That's the healing of it, right? And he said, The only death, which I found this really interesting, the only death that you can come back from is of yourself. If you feel like you have died inside, that you are not whole, if your depression is overwhelming, if your anxiety takes over, then you can come back from that. There's no other death that's going to come back, obviously, people, that thing. Or even grief is losing jobs, relationships, there's lots of different things. But yourself, you can make whole again by using the CBT tools and going through healing and dealing with your grief, that that's something that you can get back from.

You He also said something that stood out to me that not all grief has trauma, but all trauma has grief. I'm going to say that again. That not all grief has trauma, but all trauma has grief. We remember more love than pain when we can get through the process and deal with the grief. He wrote a new workbook that talks about finding meaning. So he had written books with Elizabeth Kuphler-Ross, who's the famous person for creating the five stages of grief. A lot of us have heard about those. They did denial and anger, depression. We want to get to a place of acceptance. And he just wrote a book, like the sixth Step, which is finding meaning. Once we get through this grief of the loss of somebody or whatever situations in our lives, what's the meaning? What do we get from what we went through and how can we bring that into our lives today? So I thought that was really profound. I was really excited. I don't have his book here right in front of me, his new one. But again, if you look him up, David Kessler, K-E-S-S-L-E-R, you will be able to find it as a new workbook that talks about finding meaning.

And it's finding meaning to you. I'm sorry, I think I said it was the fifth stage. It's the stage, let me correct myself. It's finding meaning to you, right? And what we face can transform us because we're people that grow. We're never hopefully satisfied with one answer. We want to grow and transform. And all of our experiences, even if it seems like there's a good reason, what can I still take from this and what meaning can I create is what he talked about. And you can grow around the grief. Even if the grief feels like it will always be there with you, you can grow around it. And one thing, too, and I show this a lot of my clients, when people say, why did this happen? Or why did this person die? Why did this tragedy happen? And we're never going to have a satisfied answer to that. I've said that to clients. I can't give you an answer that you're going to be like, Okay, that's okay. He was murdered. Okay, I get this. I get that. Or why they die too soon. Or whatever the situation is, if you lost somebody, you're never going to be satisfied.

And that's okay because you're so sad. And sometimes we don't have a specific answer. But is there some meaning I can take from this? Like an example, there's so many stories you hear about when parents lose children, they start foundations, right? Or children have been killed in shootings at school, right? That they go advocate against certain guns to be allowed and who can get the guns, things like that. So they find some purpose and meaning in it that allows them to take another breath every day and to move forward. And he also said, which was interesting with CBT, he was also saying that there's no feeling that's final. And I'm like, Oh, that's an interesting way to look at it, that that's true, that your feelings change all the time, right? I mean, that's why I want you to make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel, because your feelings change all the time. Their feelings are valid, they're important. Our goal is to change the way you feel by changing the way you think, right? With CBT, yes, I'm always talking about, What are you thinking? What are you thinking?

Because I want you to be able to change your feelings so they're not so intense in your life and you can manage them better. Those were some really profound things. He was a wonderful man. I got to talk to him for a few minutes, and he would be somebody that, especially if you have any grief in your life, most of us have grief on some level in some way. Again, it's not always about death. It's just any loss is a grief that That's something that if you're feeling like maybe you're getting stuck in, that that might be something to also look at to work on. Another fabulous person I heard from was Dr. Mike Sapiero, and he talked about the power of authenticity, which I was really excited about because in my podcast on my birthday, I share with you guys that my gift for myself this year was about being more authentic and having more authentic relationships. So I'm like, Oh, I want to hear what he has to say. And he's saying that, Give yourself patience, grace, not to be self-critical, but to be more repairing in your journey. Deal with the physical issues that you might be having, too, from any depression or trauma that you're going through.

He also says how we face our trauma. It's not about the trauma itself, how we face it. So again, as I spoke earlier, how you're dealing with the trauma, your perception of the situation, and really be mindful about how your body is reacting to it also. And he talked about shifting your mindset and how we talk to ourselves. So that's a big thing I talk to all you guys about, that I've told you before, you got to be really mindful about what you're telling yourself, the shoulds, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm stupid. That we're really mean to ourselves, and we never speak like this to others. And we really have to have a good mindset and shift how we talk to ourselves that I am lovable, and I am worthy, and I do deserve. And it's okay if I'm struggling today, and it's okay if today is a hard day, tomorrow can be better. And to give myself that grace and that self-compassion, that self-love, that I'm going to be all right, and I don't have to be negative, and I don't need to beat myself up. He also said, which I really loved, was he said, What we say about ourselves and to ourselves is how we carry ourselves in the world.

And I thought, That's really powerful. As a therapist, I really pick up on people's body language and how they carry themselves. And I can see my clients that come in that make themselves small, don't have good eye contact, that that they don't feel good about themselves, and that's how they carry themselves out in the world. They don't come across in a way where other people say hello and approach them because they come across very closed. If they're scared of the world or scared of others or think they're not good enough and others aren't going to like them. I really love that. I'm going to repeat it again is what we say about ourselves and to ourselves is how we carry ourselves in the world. If we want to carry ourselves in the world to be more authentic and open, and wanting to grow and wanting to learn and be curious, is that's how we want to carry ourselves in the world because that's the energy that we're going to bring back to ourselves. And he was talking about getting in touch with your first version of yourself. So I laughed because I thought, That's really cool that what is my first version?

Your first version is your child, that inner child that's within you to seek out that when you were a child, that you were perfect then. You were lovable and joyful, non-judgmental. You didn't hate other people. You didn't put other people down. You didn't think that they weren't good because they didn't believe like you do. What's that first version of yourself? And to get in touch and try How do you get back to that place, right? Of just be more joyful and be more open with yourself and with others. So that was really, again, another really, really cool, really cool talk. He also had a grandmother and grandfather that survived the Holocaust. And he shared about his relationship with his grandmother, not understanding until later on in life. And that really changed his perspective on her and what her personality was like and all of his experience with her. So that was really interesting, really interesting. So he's a really great therapist and someone to look up as well if you're interested. And Another thing that Dr. Eager is quoted saying is that our imperfections are part of what makes us unique. They're not something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be celebrated, which I love because most of us are like, Oh, no, I don't want anyone to see my imperfections.

I don't want to think about them, and I want to just come across to the world as perfect. I do have a podcast on perfectionism, and people that are perfectionists are not happy people because they never reach perfection. They always feel less than. I never get there. I'm never good enough. And being imperfect goes back to that willingness to be authentic and to just be you because we're all imperfect. And if we can laugh at ourselves and share that with others and get the support we need, we can really get comfortable and really celebrate that I am imperfect, and I like those little parts about myself. And maybe Maybe there's areas to grow in or to think about differently about ourselves, but it's just a different way of thinking about you. They had someone talk about happiness, which is interesting because I talk about no one's happy all the time. We have our ebbs and flows. I'm looking and I tell people, If you can find a place of being content, That's great. And the happiness will fluctuate at different levels throughout your day, throughout your life, depending on what's going on. There's a lot of research on this, too, if you ever want to research about happiness.

But she was sharing... Her name, if I didn't mention already, is Stephanie Harrison. And she was talking about how life is messy and that that's normal, right? And that every choice we make, going back to choices, really matters. And we need to really take the time and think about the choices that we're making in our and not just reacting to them. But again, remember, life is messy, and that's the normal. Life isn't just everything doesn't go well. Life is messy. Things happen. So instead of, why is this happening? Because that's life. And I need to accept that. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's fabulous, and sometimes it's in between. But what am I going to do? What are the choice I'm going to make? How am I going to think about it? How am I going to use my CBT tools to be able to change the way I'm thinking about my life and be loving and caring and gracious to myself so that I can make better choices. Being conditioned to be perfect doesn't allow you to lean on others and ask for help, she was sharing, which I really loved. And I've also shared this, too, and this is something I really learned when I went through my cancer three years ago, is that people want to help.

People feel really helpless when you're really sick. So I have I have cancer, everyone's like, What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? And a lot of times, I'm more of a caretaker. Oh, no, I'm good. I'm fine. I got what I need. And I learned to just say, thanks. Yeah, you want to bring a meal over? That'd be great. You want to bring over a beautiful blanket that I can lay with on the couch while I'm recovering? That'd be wonderful. You want to send me flowers? I love that. Cards, text, that it gave people some purpose, right? Because I know when I have people in my life that are really struggling, and I'm like, I don't know what to do. And I want to do something because I feel helpless. I'll send a card. I'm a big card person. Or maybe I would send flowers, or I will send a meal. I'll get on what they call that meal train and sign up like one night's mine because it helps me feel like I'm doing something for someone I really love and care for. So when you're conditioned, be perfect, which a lot of people are in their childhood.

Don't let the neighbors know. Don't let other people see us in this way. You need to come across this way. You to get straight A's. You need to look a certain way. Make sure your hair is always combed before you leave the house. Don't wear a shirt with a stain on it. All these messages about being perfect, it conditions you, she was sharing, in a way that doesn't allow you to lean on others and ask for help. And if you can't do that, you're not going to be happy because it is exhausting and lonely when you don't allow yourself to lean on others and ask for help. And remember, people want to help. So the other hot I think a lot of people have in this situation is, Oh, I'll be a burden. I don't want to be a burden. You're not a burden because people feel like, Oh, I get to give back. I get to give back. I have some friends that just do a lot for me, and I don't have an opportunity to do for them as much because just how the situation is with certain relationships. When they ask me something, I'm like, Yes, I can do that.

I can drive you to the airport. I can pick you up. I can whatever it is that you need. I'm like, I get to give back because I want to give back because they're giving to me all the time. Finding your new happy is getting outside of being perfect, if that's something that you strive for, and accepting that life is messy and that's normal, and being mindful of all your choices and understand they actually matter, and that it is good to be able to lean on others and ask for help. We're Our brains, our DNA, it's to be connected to each other. We're not supposed to be alone and figure everything out. So that's really important. And then a really powerful heavy speaker that me and my husband got just blown away from and we didn't know we were going to hear from is a woman named Iris Ham, H-A-I-M. She came and her son came, and all the way from Israel. And she shared her story with us about her son was one of the hostages with Hamas. And there was a story back last December how he and it was two or three other people had escaped Hamas.

And when they saw the Israeli soldiers, they were flagging them down. And by mistake, accidentally, they were killed by the Israeli soldiers that thought they were Hamas, which you can only imagine the tragedy. And she's up there sharing this whole story with us, from when he was taken to the hope she kept to finding out he died, finding out it was from her country's soldiers. It was just unbelievable, really emotional. And what she shared was how did she get through that was she made the choice to stay positive and to believe he's alive, he's strong, he's going to be okay. And there was reasons they had evidence that he was alive still and that Even in his death, she was able to change her story and be able to see him as her hero and that he actually won because when he was killed, he was not in the hands of Hamas. He was free for those days to go and take care of himself and take care of the people he was with, and that he wasn't murdered by them. And that is what has helped with her grief. And never saying that he's gone, she says he's here with us in spirit.

And there was a lot more to it. Obviously, I'm giving you guys the quick story here. But as I say, you could have pulled me off my chair after that talk. It was just like it took my breath away, took my breath away. And to see her strength and how that's connected with what Dr. Eady talks about is making that choice and how you see that perspective was really, really powerful. So I was so grateful to her and her son. They were willing to come and talk about that. And then the last person I wanted to share who finished off the day was Reverend Deborah Johnson. Really cool lady. I'll tell you guys to check her out. She did a TED Talk at Berkeley on forgiveness, and she was saying that grief, again, shows itself in many different ways. Grief isn't always about what we lost, but sometimes of what we never had. So some people may have had a parent that died, so they lost a mom, they lost a dad. Some people never have met their parents. So there's a different grief that you may be grieving something you never even had. And another interesting way she talked about grief was saying that sometimes what we're grieving is the dream is the grief that we're having.

So for example, she was talking about divorce, and I've shared this too, my perspective on you might be not grieving the person that you're not with anymore, but you're grieving the marriage, which she meant as, that's the dream. The dream was what it was supposed to be, what you thought it was going to be when you got married. And I'm grieving that the dream didn't last, that it didn't work out. So you might be like, Oh, no, I'm fine. I don't want to be with him or her anymore. But you may still be grieving that the marriage didn't work. So again, it's just a different way of looking at grief. And for you to be able to identify, Oh, maybe I am grieving, and I don't even realize it, and I need to look at that. And she also said, especially with the cycle of abuse in our lives and generational trauma, is we become what we don't forgive. So for For example, if you grew up with a really angry mother, and now you're a really angry person, that's something that you became because you never forgave your mom for being angry, figuring out, finding out her story, what was going on that made her that way.

Again, it doesn't make it okay, but it allows you to forgive so that you don't become that. How many times you heard people, Oh, I'm never going to be like my parent. And then you're like, That's exactly who I am, or that's what I sound like, or I didn't want to be this way, or my mom was an addict. And how did I become an addict? I hated that part of her. There's so many generational things you can see that happen in families because they don't deal with them and they just take them with them. And it's very unconscious. You're not doing this, obviously, on a conscious level, but it's like, Oh, this is not where I want it to be. I I need to go back and I need to take back my story. I need to forgive. I have a podcast on forgiveness I'd really recommend you guys to listen to. If you're working on the mind over mood workbook that I talk about in chapter 15, there's some fabulous, fabulous exercises on forgiving yourself or forgiving others. And something else, just before I finish up, I want to share There are two questions that Dr. Eager posed to us that she talks a lot about.

And one of the questions is she says, When did your childhood end? Which is pretty powerful, right? When did my childhood end? It wasn't when I was 18, like, Oh, now I'm an adult. When did your childhood end? Means when did you realize that life was hard and life was tough, and I couldn't just be that joyful little child that ran around or just being carefree. What happened in your life? If it did end yet. Maybe not everybody has gone through trauma. Some people have had really loving parents, really good lives, and they were able to keep that childhood going for a long time. But that's something maybe a question for you to ask yourself. And the other one that's always, I think, fun to ask yourself, too. I say fun just because I laugh about it because when she says, Would you marry yourself? And we just laughed because, of course, I looked at my husband and said, Hell, yeah. Would you marry you? Are you the person that you want to be? And if you say, No, I actually wouldn't marry me based on who I am now, what is it that I need to work on?

And what better choices do I need or different choices? What do I need to work on to be able to become the person that I want to be, that I deserve to be, that I want to be? So you can see, I'm just talking to you guys here for what, 35, 40 minutes, trying to encapsulate everything that I took from the day. But I really got centered. It's helping me on this journey of being more authentic. I'm going to pursue some different things for myself. It really reminded me, of course, of all my CBT tools that I teach you guys and I use every day is the way we look at things, the choices that we make is based on the way we think about the situation. And how am I going to get through that time? And getting empathy for myself, but also for others in the world. And understanding that if I'm feeling upset about something, and somebody's happy about something that happened. I know it's super hard to get there, but I need to maybe understand their perspective so that I'm just not angry about that they're not thinking like me or they're not on my side because it's just going I'm going to put a wedge and I'm going to hold resentment, and that's not healthy for me.

And I have to understand we all have our own stories, and we all have our own perspective. And some of us are like minded and other groups are like minded, and we're not connected with them, and that's okay. And we have to be true to ourselves and honor who we are. So I hope you're feeling some of my joy, and I hope this made you think about some different things in your life. I know, again, I talked about a lot of different stuff, but it was all so important and so loving and enriching. And if you have any questions about any of the people I talked about or clarifying what I said or any more resources, please reach out.

As always, I love hearing from you guys. And you know where you can find me, right? So my podcast, you can find on any platform, obviously, you're listening to me here, and please share that with everybody. But my website is really what I wanted to say is that it's on under mycognitivebehaviouraltherapy.com.

You can also follow me: myCBT podcast on Instagram, and Dr. Julie Osborn on Facebook.

Again, please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing from you guys and getting your feedback. Please hit the subscribe button so you won't miss another episode.

As I've shared earlier, my shop's always open on my website. There's a lot of really fun merchandise with my mantra that's on there that you can have as part of your journey, learning the CBT and becoming the person you want to be and taking back your story and giving yourself the love and the grace that you deserve to have the life that you want.

So again, I wish you a really happy holiday. I hope they're going well. I know they can be challenging. I'm here for you if you need some extra support.

And remember to make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.