Episode #67 

The Kitchen Sink

In this special episode:

- Get tips for advocating for yourself with healthcare
- Little-known insights into ovarian cancer
- Learn how to find a good therapist
- Find out how to get the most out of your therapy sessions
- Discover how to cope with the end of a relationship
- Learn how CBT can help those suffering with Schizophrenia or Bipolar Disorder
- Find out what The Fear Ladder is, and how it can help those suffering with anxiety

This special 'kitchen sink' episodes addresses lots of the questions, comments and concerns you've sent in via email.

Click to listen now!

Reference Guides:

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, and welcome to My CBT Podcast!

My name is Dr. Julie Osborn, I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life. In this podcast, I’ll answer some questions and share with you some practical ways to apply CBT principles and tools so you can achieve a greater level of happiness and satisfaction in your life in relationships.

So thanks for joining me today. I was going to have some fun and make this podcast more of a Q and A and answer some questions from the emails that you guys have been so great with sending to me, which I love receiving.

And there's some things that I didn't know would be like an entire podcast. I'll just answer some questions for you. So I want to start off with a couple of things. So as you all know, if you listen to my last few podcasts that I was diagnosed with stage one of their own cancer. And thank God I got all the cancer.

I am doing some chemo just for precautionary reasons, but overall, I'm doing good, and I'm very grateful for that. And I'm grateful for all the support all the guys have shared with me in emails and text messages. I've gotten. So I really appreciate that. And I just wanted to share a little more information.

I got just about ovarian cancer that's either for yourself or for loved ones. It's just good information that I'm glad I know because I'm going to pass it on. And I post this on my Facebook page as well. But there's a really famous journalist. Her name is Christine Amanpour, and she's been all over the world and she's been a journalist for years.

Anyways, she also got diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and she also thank goodness it was caught very early like me, and she's going to be fine. And she did the chemo as well. But she was interviewed on Good Morning America with Robin Roberts, and she shared some things that I didn't know that made sense, especially for my case.

But again, I'm going to always know this information and share it.

So first of all, they say ovarian cancer is a silent killer because there's no screening for us women to even know it's happening.

That's why when my doctor said, ‘I see women like you all the time, you're doing great, you're healthy,’ and then all of a sudden it just happens. It's kind of like you fall off the cliff because I just couldn't understand how it happened so quickly. Like within two weeks, everything fell apart and it started to show I started having symptoms and discomfort and stuff like that. So that's one thing to know. So we need to be really intuitive and mindful and listen to our bodies.

Don't question. Don't think you're being a hyperchondriac. Listen to your body. She also said some things to be aware of is if you have a lot of urinary tract infections, if you have a lot of bloating that won't go away, if you have irritable bowel syndrome.

So I fell into the category of the UTI for a year, like every other month, and my doctors were just saying, ‘Oh, it's menopause, going through The Change; your body changes.’ That kind of thing.

And I'm thinking, all these doctors I saw, the Urgent Cares I went to, I went to that urologist, I gave them the dates, I showed them what has been going on, how I was treated for the UTIs. And nobody ever, ever said anything about getting screened. Let's go do an ultrasound. And I'm like that's such good information to know. And why didn't anyone know?

And it just reminds me again that we can't put doctors on pedestals. They don't know everything, but we need to know what to look for. And if there's a pattern and we need to know what to ask for regarding tests and getting checked out there's.

Also, if you go to my website, which is - mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com - about three years ago, I think it is now, I had eye surgery and I did a video that's on my website called Out Of The Box, and I won't get into the story now because it's kind of long, but it's another situation I've gone through in my life where because I met the right doctor. I was given information where I was able to have some eye surgery for an issue I've had since I was born. And all these doctors I saw would tell me what it was, but didn't even tell me that there was a surgery which had been around forever. It was just a crazy story. So if you have time, go listen to the video and I share it.

But when I call it being out of the box, meaning that we need to look for other answers. Sometimes if we're not getting the answers that we want, and I talk about how doctors, if they don't have the answers, they need to refer us to other doctors that might have the answer. It was just kind of serendipity that I bumped into this doctor when I took my mother to an eye appointment. It still blows my mind when I think about it today. And if she didn't bring up notice my issue with my eye, if she didn't bring it up on her own, like I didn't ask, she brought it up, and it was just I'm forever grateful.

So I know I'm not alone. You guys where we haven't gotten the right answers or people haven't taken enough interest. And we just didn't find things out until later. And hopefully we can avoid things because I also found out that I'm in 20% of stage one and stage two of variant cancers, 20%, 80% of women out there. By the time they get diagnosed, they are in stage three or four, which is not good.

That is just not a good place to be. I'm in the 20%. I'm beyond grateful for that. So it's really important that I'm talking about ovarian cancer, but whatever is going on any health issues you have fight, fight, fight, don't stop. Find someone that will listen and demand to get help and again listen to your body.

If you know there's something wrong, then go with it. I'd rather have to go get a test and they say everything is fine right then letting it just go on and not knowing. So I just wanted to share that. I just learned some new information about the symptoms being mindful about the silent killer compared to other cancers again, but there's no way to screen it. So we just have to be really mindful.

Go for your yearly check up for Women's Wellness. If men, if you have women in your life that try to avoid those tests, push them to go get checked. I can't reiterate how important it is. So anyways, I will keep you guys up to date as I go through my treatment and hopefully it'll be good news and I'm going to get past this and it's all going to be good. So with that said, I'm going to go to some of my emails and my text messages I've gotten.

I'm going to share some great stories of my listeners that feel like they've really gotten better, which is so fantastic since they've been listening to the podcast. And hopefully this will give you guys some maybe insight. Also, some hope if you're struggling and kind of relate to each other.

So my first one that I'm going to share with you is from Leslie and she says:

“Hi from across the pond! I'm Leslie from Scotland, and I just wanted to let you know that I've been enjoying your podcast for some time, while many of them have produced AHA moments, your most recent one really touched me. I hope that you are doing well. I just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, which I'm sure of many people take care, take charge.”

So thank you, Leslie. That is my plan. I really appreciate that.

There's another one and it happens to be from Scotland too, which is funny, but it says:

“Dear Doctor Julie, my name is Susie and I'm messaging you from across the pond in Scotland. I came across your podcast last year during lockdown and referred to it almost daily. Some podcasts I've listened to over and over without fail. I always take some gem of support and advice from them. I truly don't have the words to thank you enough. I've been in and out of therapy for the last 30 years and on antidepressants for many years, struggling to cope with life on life's terms. Now it's as though the lights come on, it's magical. I still have much work to do, but it doesn't scare me in the way it once did. Thank you for your part you've played in that best wishes to you and yours.”

So thank you, Susie. I'm so excited that it's made such a difference for you after all those years of therapy.

I'm sharing this one because it just talks about a referral, and I wanted to reiterate how to find CBT therapist.

So this is from Alice. It says:

“Dear Julie, hope you are well and thanks for your podcasts. They are fantastic. I'm seeking a CBT therapist. Would you recommend one in the UK? Many thanks, Alice.:

So what I shared with her and I know I've mentioned before, the best way if you're looking for CBT therapist in your area is to go to FeelingGoodInstitute.com and there are all the CBT therapists on their website.

And all they ask is for your location, like a zip code. And then so there's no way for them to contact you or see who you are. And then it will show people in your area. So that's a really good way to start off.

Also, if you're finding a therapist outside of that particular referral, I just really recommend that when you call someone who says they are CBT therapist, ask them if they really practice CBT. A lot of people will do it within many other types of therapy. And it's not very specific. I've had many clients come to me over the years, so they went to someone that said they did that and then they didn't really. And then they ended up finding me and we work together. So that's just something don't just assume because someone says they do CBT, that that's really a specialty of theirs.

I want to share this email from Abby and answer her questions. So it says:

“Hi, Doctor Julie, I just want to thank you for your podcast. I'm going through a difficult time in my relationship right now and listening to your podcast that may be the calmest and no manic I've been in days. I've just listened to your ‘Are you Honoring Yourself’ podcast? And I was hoping to give me some advice on how to approach my issue, my relationship.”

So just to summarize, her and her boyfriend going through some issues, he wanted some space. She was hoping that things are going to work out for them, and they might.

But my advice to her and especially because she has listened to ‘Are you honoring yourself?’ is if you're going through a somewhat break up or somebody saying, ‘I want some space, I want to figure things out.’ They may want to date other people.

The most important thing…because a lot of times we feel desperate if that other person is leaving or if they want to go date other people. We get in that desperate mode and very scared. And that's when we don't honor ourselves and we might be more codependent or we might not have good boundaries because we're so afraid of losing that person.

So my advice overall to her was regardless of what happens, continue to honor yourself and stick to your values that are important to you whether or not you guys end up back together and whatever choices he decides to pursue at the moment.

But it's important that you don't get in that desperate mode, and that's what happens a lot of times, right? Is it scary for change and especially if we don't want the relationship to end. So if you guys haven't listened to the podcast on are you honoring yourself, I talk about that in relationships, in work situations, in any relationship that you might be struggling with can be really helpful.

I don't ever tell anybody regarding are they honoring themselves - I don't give that feedback, I just ask that question because I believe 100% that when we ask ourselves that all of us know if we're really honoring ourselves or not, we just know that within ourselves. So that would be a really good step and a really good tool to use in many different situations.

Here's a listener that had listened to my How To Deal With Work Burnout, which was a really interesting story. So she said:

“This was incredibly helpful. Thank you, Doctor Julie. I have been waiting for two years to understand exactly what I went through two years ago when I wasn't able to get up and go to my job anymore. I've attended therapy, including DBT and counseling, but no one told me this is what I was going through. So glad I know what it is now. It's crazy that I went through everything you mentioned and still don't know what it is. I thought it was borderline personality disorder, but I know it is not just that I was a workaholic and a yes-man kind of person. Now I'm trying to transition to a new career and go on to the next step.”

She also shared that definitely humans have to keep learning until we die.

“And I have a lot of basic things to learn myself, like setting boundaries, making decisions and especially moments of stress.”

So that was an interesting email; made me just think about a lot of times people get misdiagnosed. A lot of people diagnose themselves or friends say something and you have to really take time.

And part of the CBT is your environment. I talk about a lot, right? So her environment issues with work. And a lot of times we think, ‘I've got to keep going. I've got to put up with it. This is my job and there's no way out.’ And to really look and see what's going on. Like, she didn't know she was burned out and maybe not even giving herself permission to be burned out. Right? Because she should just keep working is what we tell ourselves. So it's really important to take the time to figure out exactly what's going on.

When you have a therapist, it's important to know that they do a really thorough intake. I ask lots of questions, and I know sometimes people don't think my questions I'm asking are important. But as a therapist to get a whole picture of the person and understand everything going on and not just focusing on what maybe they're just concerned about their anxiety, which is our focus. But to understand lots, I just make connections all the time when I'm asking my questions, so feel when you're especially if you're going to therapy.

My last question I always ask at the end of my assessment: Is there anything I didn't ask that you think I should know?

So if your therapist has not asked you a question or questions that you think they should know something about, you, let them know. Don't just wait for them to kind of run the session. It's your session.

So if you need to speak up and say I need to share some things you didn't ask me about that, I think are significant. Share that. And again, this is your session. So you need to be collaborative with your therapist and share what's going on so they can really get a good understanding, which is going to help with the treatment and the direction that you're going to take your cognitive therapy too. So keep that in mind and be part of the solution.

Kind of like what I said before with the doctors. Don't put any doctor, any therapist on a pedestal, okay, they know a lot in one area and hopefully they're good at what they do, but you need to help them as well. And to share that information.

There's an email from Becky. She says:

“Hello. Just an email to say thank you for your podcast. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember, although it was only given a name a couple of years ago, along with cPTSD, my doctor recommended talk therapy, but unfortunately the therapist and my details were passed on to ghosted me. It's horrible. From then, I decided to work on my own since I didn't want to wait around and I can't afford some of the private therapists. Your podcast has helped me enormously. In fact, I would go as far as to say it's changed my life for the better and drastically improve my relationships. One of the biggest ways it's helped me in real life is with my dog. As strange as that might sound, now that I'm generally less anxious, he is too. I've also found a lot of your CBT tips, for example, the fear ladder can be applied to my mutt when helping him overcome his own anxiety, fears and reactivity. I've always been an anxious person, and now at 34, I finally feel that I can stop using that word to describe myself.

Thank you. Becky from the UK and also thanks from Finn, the dog.”

I love that email about her dog and going back to the Fear Ladder. If you guys want to go back to my earlier podcast and you read, you can read it or you listen to the anxiety. Understand. Anxiety is the fear ladder is if you're afraid of doing something.

It can be anything - going to say a party, reading a speech in front of you having new public speaking or anything. You want to overcome the fear ladder. If you think of a ladder, right, you're taking steps up, up until you get to the top. The fear ladder, you start at the bottom and you just take one step at a time. So in the mind over mood book in the Anxiety Understand Anxiety chapter, there is an example of someone needing to do public speaking at his work.

So he started off by writing the speech and then he would practice in the mirror. He practice at home with family, and he practiced with friends. And he kept going until the day of his speech where he felt more comfortable. The problem with anxiety is, first of all, it's about being outside of the day. So we're thinking about the future, and then we get overwhelmed because we're looking at the whole picture and being able to use something like a fear ladder can really break things down and take it smaller.

And that is the key to not feeling overwhelmed is to say, what is it that I can control and handle right now in this big picture? So I can get to my goal. So that's the fear letter. I just wanted to explain that.

Also, I had an email - I can't find the exact one - but I know they asked me to talk about bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, psychosis.

So let me just address that. So I've worked with all those diagnoses. I used to work in a lot of psych hospitals where most clients had schizophrenia and all of them, especially the schizophrenia and bipolar, CBT does help. So my clients that I've worked with those are more serious mental health issues that usually people will be medicated for. And then when there's some stability, they can come in and we can do the CBT to help them start breaking down, understanding their thoughts, how that affects their mood.

So their mood may be created just based on the bipolar or schizophrenia. That's an area where, yes, you might have a mood that has nothing to do with the thought just because of what's going on with your mental health. But then those thoughts that you're having or moods, I should say as well, can be fed off and become worse by how you're thinking. Right? So that's where I can step in and I can help them.

And again with the schizophreni,. I found that it helps people who acknowledge they have schizophrenia, which is a big deal. So someone that comes in and says, I know I have voices. I know that they're not real. Those are the clients that I feel like I've been able to help and get some success with.

So I don't think there is any mental health issue that cannot be helped on some level with CBT because they can just help break down step by step regarding figuring out somebody wants to change their moods. What are we thinking about and just teaching the basics of understanding what you're thinking and how to balance and not identify those hot thoughts, right? The thoughts that aren't 100% true.

So if you're sitting there going, ‘Oh, it's probably not going to help me or my diagnosis is too severe. I just need to take medicine.’ That's just not true. And anyone taking medicine, it needs to go along with therapy notes. One should just take medicine and never get help. You might finish the therapy, and then you stay on the medicine because you need it. But I do know some really good psychiatrists.

Now that when someone calls to see them for medicine, they say, Who's your therapist? And if you don't have one, we'll help you find somebody because we're not just going to put you on medicine because it's not a cure. It's a help. So you want to really do both together, and then eventually you'll have those tools to be your own CBT therapist and you'll be able to use them the rest of your life. So I just wanted to address that regarding CBT can help as well.

I'm not saying it's a miracle cure, right? But we all need tools no matter what we're dealing with in life, mental health, physical health, stressors.

It all comes down to how we're thinking about our situation and looking at the environment we're in. So keep a very open mind and know that. And I believe if you're listening, you probably believe already the CBT can be helpful, but it can be helpful in any situation. And now we know that it works with her dog Finn. So I guess it can help everybody, which is nice to know.

So I hope this podcast has been helpful. I just wanted to just do some Q and a answer some questions. Kind of review and encourage you guys to keep advocating for yourselves. Make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.

And please keep sending me emails with questions so that I can answer them. Sometimes I'll just email you directly and then from time to time, I can do another one of these podcasts and just answer some of your questions.

So you can reach me at MyCBTPodcast@gmail.com. You can follow me under the same name - My CBT Podcast on Instagram.

You can find me under Julie Osborne on Facebook and of course, my website. There's a lot of good information there as well.

So be well and take care and we will talk to each other soon.

Bye!