Episode #103

How Your Environment Affects Your Thoughts

Your environment is one of five powerful influencers on your thoughts and feelings.

What control do you have over how your environment affects you?

How can you identify whether your environment is influencing you positively?

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share with you how to use your environment to improve your mood.

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi, welcome to My CBT Podcast! This is Dr. Julie. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

Welcome and thanks for being with me! I wanted to start off with sharing a review I got on Apple podcast. I always appreciate these. If you're an Apple user, I'd love you to take the time to put a review in. It just helps to get the word out more and more people can get connected.

This one says,

“Great for everyone, including clinicians. Dr. Osborn has such a wonderful way of articulating the art of CBT. As a licensed clinical social worker, I think this podcast has helped me better understanding CBT as a clinician. I appreciate the innovative tools provided in this podcast that can conquer so many different internalized issues.”

Thank you for that review. I always appreciate it and I love hearing from you guys.

Today's topic is going to be breaking down the different elements of CBT, specifically your environment. I know I've talked to you guys many times about the different elements, which is your thoughts, which creates your moods, which affects your behavior and your physical reactions.

Those are the four we focus on most, I know. But the fifth and not least is your environment, your life situations. Those are really important to look at. I think it's the last thing people tend to look at because they're very focused on themselves, which I love, owning their part and seeing what they can do different. But sometimes even when you make healthy positive changes, the environment is still may be toxic or not healthy and that you have to make changes within it. So that's one way of looking at the environment. Is the environment causing distress for me? Is there anything I can do to make a change? And if I do those changes and it still hasn't benefited me or gotten better, what do I need to do about that? So this aspect is maybe being in a hostile work environment, in a toxic relationship, intimately, friendship wise, family wise, any environment that you're in is when you're interacting with other people. You want to always ask yourself, Is the environment part of my problem, part of the cause of what's going on? I know I've shared this story before, but it's worthwhile sharing again because it just shows how significant your environment can be.

And this isn't a usual case scenario, although I did have this with a client once that came to me for panic disorder, and we figured out that what was happening is that he had a really good job and he was doing excellent, so they promoted him. And as he was getting trained for the new position, he realized he really didn't like it and he wanted to go back to his old position. But he was worried about telling his bosses this because they spent money and time in training him and he thought they would be upset. And that's when the panic came on. So once we figured this out and he got the courage and was determined to go talk to them so he could go back to his old job and to feel better, luckily, they were fine with that and he went back to his old position and the panic went away. So again, this is not the usual, but it does talk about the environment was his issue, right? The new job was the issue. So you want to look at that and say, no matter what he did, he could have done the job great.

He just did not like the new position, and that's what was causing his panic. I just want everybody to always be evaluating themselves, but also the situation they're in and saying, Is this situation serving me? Am I honoring myself? Do I need to set better boundaries? Do I need to literally leave the environment? It's very shades of gray. We're not talking all or nothing black or white thinking here, but what's best for me? Am I doing everything I can, but the environment is still not a healthy place for me to be and I can make those changes. So that's one part of environment I always want you to look at and just even acknowledge. Because a lot of part of CBT we want to say is we're just acknowledging it like, yeah, what you're going through is depressing. It is anxiety provoking, it is worrisome. Although what are some other aspects to it? We're looking for balanced thinking, we're not looking for positive thinking. So we want to acknowledge that there's things going on in your life and how are those affecting you and what can we do to make better changes so your mood is improved and you feel like you can cope and handle life better.

So all of that's true. The other aspect of environment I want to talk about is within your environment, other than taking care of yourself and working on yourself and all of those wonderful things, I want you to ask yourself, how am I giving back in my world? How am I being of service? How am I being there for other people? Which is totally normal. We get easily overwhelmed with life. If you're working, you have a high demanding job, you have other commitments, you might be raising children, you might be taking care of parents. There's lots of things that take up all of our time, and then we're trying to take care of ourselves in between all that. So all of those things are important. So a lot of times we don't think, I can't be there for anybody else. That's your half thought. I don't have any time to do anything for anybody else. And we get so absorbed in our life that it actually stresses out even more, even though you might not feel it or be aware of it. You're just thinking, I'm just maintaining my little world here, and that's all I can do.

But that actually stresses us out more because what we're telling ourselves is I'm not coping well and I can't bring on anything else because I just got to manage, manage all the stress I have going on. So it's really true, if you have not experienced this before, that when you offer some help or support to someone else, you really get tenfold back because we do feel really good when we give to others. It's not just about being there for them. I think that's what we think. But we end up feeling good about ourselves that I was there for somebody. I made that effort they feel cared for. That's what I want to put out into the world, is that I do care about other people and I do want to be there for them as much as I can. It might be a little, it might be a lot. There's people out there that all they do is volunteer. That's a full time job for them, which is beautiful. Then there's some people that, which is also beautiful, might go and volunteer one time a month, or once a week, or an hour a month, or whatever that looks like.

We're very fluid. I'm not here telling you how to do this. I'm not here to tell you what to do, what to pick. You need to find what brings you some joy and feeling grateful and feeling good about giving back. It's not supposed to be another burden. It's not supposed to be another thing to do on your list. It's hopefully something you look forward to or you just feel good about offering. Let's start with some, quote, smaller things that you may not think is a way of giving back when it is. I think about if you're a parent that has kids in sports and maybe there's another parent that has to work late, maybe they're a single parent, they don't have as much support as maybe you do, just offering a carpool. Hey, let me pick up your kid. Let me drive your kid home and drive him home. Drop them off. Oh, my God. That would be so helpful. I got to pick my kid up from another sport. You might be a stay at home parent, and maybe you have a neighbor that their child goes home and is by themselves until their parents can get home.

Offer them, Hey, you want to come over with my son or daughter and you can get your homework done, you have a bite to eat, watch a little show, whatever you want to do so that they're not alone. Little things like that. You got a neighbor with a dog, they're a little older, maybe offer a little dog walk for free. Whatever it looks like, just doing something that you may think, Oh, it's so small, can mean so much to somebody else. Those are just the everyday things that you're not committing to, so you don't have to get overwhelmed. It's just when it works for me, I'm going to be mindful and I'm going to offer that to somebody. What do I think could I help them? And maybe that person is not going to ask me, but I'm going to put it out there. I feel good that just dropping some off at home helps someone get other things done, or be there for their other children, whatever that looks like. So that's just some small times that you can be there for somebody else. Again, you can find something that I really love doing.

I really want to find the time to be there for other people. There's a great website called volunteermatch. Com, and that's what it does. It matches you up to volunteer services that are good for you. So when you go online, the only thing you have to put in is your zip code. Nobody's going to be able to contact you. And then it comes up with, I think, about 100, if not more, of different ideas. When I've looked on, I thought, I wouldn't even think about that's a great volunteer idea. I didn't even think about that. So you might say, Oh, I'd be interested in doing that. I didn't know that was something that was out there. So then you click on. So say you want to volunteer with animals, for example. So you click on the animals and then it will come up in your area based on your zip code, what opportunities are out there. And then if there's anything you're interested, you can reach out. So that's just a resource for you guys to use if you're like, I'm not really sure what I want to do or what's out there. Now, some of the times we were not sure what we want to do, but then we can get an idea and we're like, Oh, that would be fun.

There's so many. I'm not going to sit here and list all of them, but I just want to let you know they're out there. If you think this is what I want to give back, let me go find a place I can take that or fit that for me and use my time and I can be there for them. So just give you some examples. I recently met a really great therapist who's retired now, and she focused on grief and loss. That was her specialty with her clients. So when she retired, she thought, How can I still give back, but I'm not seeing clients one on one anymore? So she understood that schools are just overwhelmed with needs, with children needing to have someone to talk to, for the counselors to contact them, be in touch with them, when there's all different... Grief and loss covers many different issues. So she volunteers and goes to teach other volunteers about how to address grief and loss and be there for the kids so that the counselors at school aren't so overwhelmed and there's other people there that can reach out for whatever those children might be going through.

I thought, Wow, that's beautiful. So it's something she's passionate about and she's giving back while she's still having her retirement and enjoying, but it feels good that she's doing something. Now, you might go volunteer somewhere and just go check it out. Again, don't feel like you're trapped. You're not signing any papers that you're committed. You're just seeing it. Sometimes people try to view volunteer's situations and they're like, Yeah, it's not really for me. I'm not really enjoying this. Just keep searching until you find your thing and make it your thing, whatever that is. If it's not out there, create it if you want to. But there's so many areas that you can help. You want to think about, who do I like working with? Do I like kids? Do I like animals? Do I like seniors? Do I want to do something with the environment? On and on. But my point is that part of being well and balanced is also finding a way to be of service in some other area of your life. And especially when you are feeling depressed and anxious, believe it or not, it will help because that me, me, me mode we get into when we're feeling that way, or our thought is like, Once I'm well, then I'm going to do this, this and that.

But doing things will get you well. When I use my mantra to make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel, that's what you need to do when you're feeling at your lowest, when you're struggling the most, because that's when we're going to make decisions based on how we feel. So what's best for me is that if I have volunteered for something, I'm going to go show up. Even though I don't feel like it. It'd be so much easier just to stay here and not deal with the world. I totally get that. But if you have a small commitment, start small if you're struggling right now, again. But picking something might be at your child's school to volunteer there or whatever it is that you pick. Just show up. Most likely you're going to get distracted and be focused. You could be around other people, which is good. It's good to be around others when you're not doing well because we tend to isolate ourselves. So all the things you're thinking you don't want is usually what you need the most. So if you find something and you make a small promise to yourself, to the place, yes, I will be here on Tuesday for an hour, it helps us get there.

It gives us a purpose. It gives us some structure. And this isn't just for those of you that are going through depression or anxiety or whatever other things are going on in your lives. This is for all of us. This is a suggestion I make for all of us and to continue with it. And again, if you haven't done this in your life yet, you'll be surprised how much you enjoy it. And as an adult, being a great role model, if you have kids, you're like, Oh, my mom takes time to be here for this person or that person, or My mom's the one that offers to drive to our sports or our activities. It helps out these other parents. You're showing your kids about being there for other people and being of service, which is a great part of us just feeling good about ourselves and helping others. It's a real win, win. So don't look at it just like, Oh, I'm doing this for that person. I'm also getting benefit out of it. And it helps both of us. And it will come back to you. Other people will offer you help or want to be there for you because you've been there for them.

And that's what a nice, healthy relationship, a good friendship is. When we feel that we're both benefiting from each other, that we're not just taking or we're not just giving. So again, back to the whole CBT theory, right? Is that the way we think creates our moods, affects our behaviors and our physical reactions, and we need to look at our environment and how is that affecting how we're doing. So if I'm doing everything I think I need to be doing, I'm still looking for something else or missing some joy in my life or feeling good about things that I'm doing, maybe this is the missing point, the missing element in your life that I need to go find something. So I didn't think about this when I started my podcast, but this is my way of being of service. This is something I do. It's not for my business necessarily. My intention is I thought if I could teach CBT to more people, I know it's going to help them. And I definitely have learned that from getting your emails and all your feedback. It has helped. And I just feel good that I put this out there.

And that's my way of being of service. Like the other therapist I met that teaches people to do grief and loss, that's where I can find the time to say, Hey, I want to give this to other people because I know it can be helpful. And how does it come back to me is when I hear from people that are doing better, they're using the tools, they've reached out for help. They find that this is helpful because they don't even have health insurance and they can't get to a therapist or lots of different reasons. When that therapist I just met that's training the other people for the grief and loss, I thought, Oh, that's what I'm doing with my podcast. Yes, I'm being of service in that way. I do lots of other volunteer stuff when my kids were little. I volunteered at my temple with the school. All different things. Also, I know I shared with you before, my husband has been sober for 30 years now, and he's still very involved in 12 Step. He volunteers, right? He sponsors people. He goes and takes phone calls once a week. It's always been involved. It's not like, Oh, I'm good now.

I don't need to do anything. It's like, No, I've learned from him. You always have to stay involved. You always want a connection on somehow. It keeps your focus, it keeps you balanced. And it makes you remember why I want to keep working on myself to stay healthy. So if you're involved in any support group, a lot of times they'll have what they call commitments. You might be the person that goes makes the coffee, you bring the literature, you open up the room, you get it ready. Again, it's just these little things that I think we don't think about, but it's really helping out and being there for other people. And we feel good like we did something. It's hard to understand that when you're feeling so terrible and you're struggling. But if you trust me a little bit, you don't have to trust me all the way. If you trust me a little bit, just try something. Put yourself out there a little bit and see how you feel when you do that. And be mindful about when people say thank you to you. I really appreciate it. Don't dismiss them sharing that feedback with you.

I think that's something else that a lot of us do is, Oh, it's no big deal. Oh, don't worry about it. Oh, you know, da, da, da, da, da. But take a minute and be like, Oh, you're welcome. I'm glad I could be there for you. I'm glad this was helpful. Or another hot thought, right? Well, I should, or other people just should do that. Even if you think that's true, right? We don't want to use shoulds. Remember, the the root word of should is scald. So you're scolding yourself, you're scolding others. It's not that people should. They did it. And a lot of times people don't do it. So take the appreciation back so you can say, You know what? I'm going to do this again. People do appreciate my time, and I also feel good when I do it. And this can again bring that balance into your life that it's just not that I'm thinking better, my mood's better, I'm living my life better. Now I want to add to give back in some way. If you've been part of some program that's helped you get better, maybe you can ask them, do you have any volunteers that I can help?

Or what's some ideas out there? I have this idea I want to add to your program, and I'm not going to charge you. I just want to give my time. And people are like, Oh, my God. That's fabulous. But so be creative, be open. There's no strict ways on how to do this. But environment is something, again, that I really focus on that I think it's lost because we're usually focused on ourselves, what's going on with us. But our thoughts are also getting in the way of doing more and getting out of our stuff and not sitting in our depression or sitting in our anxiety or sitting in our anger or our resentment that keeps us from doing anything outside of ourselves. I hope this was helpful. I hope I got you thinking. I heard some people speak recently about finding a purpose in their life, being of service, giving back and really finding something they enjoy. They're not just signing their name off that they were there for the hour or checking the box. I'm done with that. But something that really fills your heart up and you look forward to and you feel good about.

That builds up your self esteem, your self confidence. That's what I want you to look for, not just something to say, Oh, I did this, but what do I actually enjoy doing? You can find it and if you can't find it, then create it. No expectations on how much time, what it looks like, what other people think. It's all about you and what's going to be best for you. And again, it's a place to start. So I'd love to hear your feedback on this. I'd love you to share with me some ideas, maybe where you already volunteer, what your ideas are, maybe something you've created. And that's something I can share with our listeners so we all can get some other ideas from each other. But it is important and it's something to just start thinking about. And maybe sometimes also I've talked to people where they volunteered somewhere for a while and they're like, I want to change. I'm like, Oh, change. You don't have to stay. It doesn't have to be something forever. Your life situation might change. You might move. You might get a little burned out. You might say, I want to do this instead.

Whatever it looks like, whatever it looks like, it's good. It's all good if you're getting out of yourself and being there for other people and, again, being of service in some way. So keep practicing all your tools. Remember, whenever you have a negative mood, I want you to ask yourself, what are my thoughts? What am I thinking? Which ones are hot? The ones that aren't 100 % true? Being able to balance those out. As always, you want to make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel. As always, you guys can find me to reach out and again share your feedback. You can find me, I'm on a little bit on TikTok, I'm on Instagram under my CBT podcast, Dr. Julie Osborne on Facebook, my website, my cognatebehavioraltherapy. Com, my emails on there, lots of other good information. Again, please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions with me. I love hearing from you guys. As always, pass this along to others that might find it helpful.

You guys know where you can find me: at my website - mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com.

I'm also on TikTok a little bit.

You can find me on Instagram at MyCBTPodcast and on Facebook under Dr. Julie Osborn.

Please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing your feedback. And as always, please pass my podcast along to others who may find it helpful.

Remember to make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.