Episode #90

Grief & CBT

Grief is not just about the death of a loved one, it’s any loss. And everyone experiences grief differently.

How do you know when you’re processing & moving on?

How can you create the space you need to grieve properly?

What can you do to support yourself through this journey?

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share with you the answers to these powerful questions.

Click to listen now!

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi! This is Dr. Julie Osborn. Welcome to My CBT Podcast! I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker, specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your life.

So I hope you're all doing well and thanks for joining me as always. I want to start with a really great email I received from a listener. It says, Dear Dr. Julia Osborne, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your helpful CBT podcast. It's my daily medicine while I exercise.

My question is, do I need a why? And more specifically, where did it all begin? With me having anxiety? Can I just use CBT to go forward? I'm 48 years old, I've been to therapy.

I was raised by a psychologist. I just never got my why. I suffer from anxiety so much. Your podcast has given me the tools to move around in my life a lot more freely and think more kindly about myself and frankly, others. Thank you so very much.

You have a gift, and I'm so thankful to receive the daily listening to you. So thank you. I like to keep my emails confidential so I didn't share a name, but you know who you are. I really appreciate that, and it's a great question I do want to answer before I go on with today's podcast. The great thing about CBT is we don't have to always figure out why.

A lot of times we do figure it out, but we don't have to. I have so many clients that come to me and say, you know what, I'm not here to talk about my travel to it. I've done this before. I need help today. And I say, that's not a problem.

I can help you today because cognitive behavioral therapy is focusing on what are you thinking now? What's going on in your life now that's affecting you and how can we start making those changes? So again, a lot of times as I work with my clients, we start to touch on those core beliefs. A lot of times it gives us a why, but we don't have to have a why. And I don't remember all the painful memories in my life and things that happened to me, but I was still able to grow, forgive, move on, let go of resentments, whatever it is that I needed to do, even if I didn't always remember exactly what happened.

But I knew my feelings, I knew the way I thought about myself and I understood my actions. So I don't think you have to have a why to be able to do well and definitely not to be able to have CBT help you. You don't have to have a why. So if that's what's holding you back, like, I need to figure it out. You know what?

Just go forward. Go see a therapist, go find somebody that really knows how to use CBT therapeutically with you and start learning the tools so that you can feel better. I love that my listener said that he listens to my podcast while he's exercising because that's like a win win because the exercising is so good for anxiety as well. So, again, thank you. I encourage you all to email me.

I respond to everybody and any questions or suggestions for podcasts. I will definitely do them if it's a good fit and if I haven't done it already, I'll refer you back to those. But just like today, I'm going to do a podcast today on grief, even though I've done one before, but I'm going to kind of shift it a little bit to talk about some different things. So again, I just wanted to share that with you and I thought it was a really great email and a really great question. So today, as I just mentioned, I want to do a podcast on grief.

And when do you know that you are processing and moving forward? So I can tell you when my mom passed away in January of 2021, she was on hospice for a little bit before she passed. And the hospice group, everybody there was just fabulous. And they've always stayed in touch with me and they've sent me some really good information about grief. And I kind of know, obviously as therapist, I can definitely work with people with grief and I know quote the stages, which is what my first podcast about grief was about.

I think it's called good grief. You can look that up. But this one, I wanted to talk a little bit more about how we're doing, how others are perceiving us, what we can look for, what we can measure, I guess would be a way to say, am I moving forward? Even though I'm having some sad days still. And so I wanted to kind of use this podcast to help you there.

So let's first talk about understanding grief, kind of as a review, but also some new information, I think a different way to understand it. I'm hoping this will help you. So grief is something definitely that is not understood in our societies and mourners are expected to recover quickly. And I think that's really because of other people's grief and their uncomfortableness with you grieving, so they're like just want you to, okay, let's move on, let's do this, get back to work or start doing these things and you'll be okay. Because if you're okay, then I feel better.

And people have a hard time giving us space to grieve. So just be mindful of that and be gentle with yourself because there's going to be a lot of ups and downs. Also, the experience is unique to each person. There's a lot that we all have in common while we're going through grief, but it is still our own journey. And guard against putting expectations on your partner or others or even yourself, crying is healthy and obviously acceptable.

It's a good thing. Crying allows certain hormones to be released and makes us feel better. As you process whatever pain you're dealing with, whether it's the death of somebody or it's the end of a relationship, a transition, whatever it might be, because I always share. Grief is just not about death. Literally death of losing somebody.

Grief is a loss. So think about it in that way. Any loss you have had regarding, again, a person relationships, some people, you might lose your home because of financial reasons. That's a lot of grief right there. Friendships, the way the world is, right?

Kovac changed lots of things for us, things are just different. So again, grief is however you want it for yourself to define it. But whatever kind of loss, you're going to go through a lot of emotions. So again, crying freely, don't apologize for crying. It's a healthy thing, and it's important that we can be comfortable and find people in our lives that gives us that space to be able to really be authentic and let ourselves cry.

Also remember, grief can affect how you're eating, how you're sleeping, your energy level, your ability to concentrate. So that's why, when you're ready, having like a balanced diet, staying hydrated, starting a little bit, exercise, whether that's just taking a walk, right, or maybe a little swim in the pool, nothing excessive, but just getting moving, make sure you're resting, especially when you're morning and when the loss has just happened. If you're having some physical symptoms, it's always good to get a checkup. But just know that that's the normal part of grieving as well. If you feel like you want to drink more or using like sedatives just to go sleep and not feel anything, that can also cloud your thinking and it can also slow down your grief process.

And you don't really want to do that. So if you do have any prescription medications, follow what the doctor's orders are. Use them sparingly and indefinitely just under supervision. But be mindful of that or others around you. I know sometimes we just want to check out.

We want to be careful that doesn't turn into a problem. Because that's another way of dealing with grief and pain and loss, right? It's to just check out. Also be mindful. Sometimes your friends and relatives may avoid you or talking to you about the loss in your life.

So if you feel comfortable with them, let them know. You need to talk to them about who you lost, what your loss was, and then actually helping us talk and share that with them as much as you can. So again, you have to find your people, right? Not everybody's comfortable. Some people are more comfortable taking it, coming in and saying, I'm going to cook a meal and clean your house and do your laundry.

But they're not great with feelings. And that's okay. They can help in other ways. So find the ones that you can share your feelings with and they're comfortable with that and they're not going to try to fix you. Finding the friends that can be good listeners or even with similar experiences can help you get through the time of whatever you're going through regarding your loss.

And also remember not to make any huge decisions, usually for at least a year, things about maybe jobs or changing your home, having another child, whatever it might be, based on what your losses. Give yourself that time to process all of this before you make some big decisions.

So some feelings that I worry about with my clients and I want you to be aware of is if you're starting to feel hopeless or your depression might be getting worse, this can occur and these feelings can be normal as long as you don't feel like you want to harm yourself or take your own life for someone else. It takes time to get the meaning of life back in your life and it takes time for that pain to lessen. And that's why talking about your feelings with someone you trust, a friend, a therapist, counselor, whoever you choose is really important to have somebody. There also a lot of times when you go through loss, a lot of times you may feel guilty, right, that's normal, but we may think it's our fault or I wish I told this person how much I love them, or I should have been a better partner, or whatever those thoughts might be. So it's normal.

But sometimes they can get illogical also. So you want to be mindful again, this is the kind of stuff you want to share with people so they can help you process what is it that you think you did wrong. Because that's the definition of guilt, right? And maybe working on even needing to forgive yourself in time or maybe even the person that you're grieving. Again, I know I'm going through a lot of things, but there's just so many parts of loss that I'm hoping something I mentioned you might be, oh yeah, that's what I'm going through.

I'm glad she mentioned that. I'm not relating to other things. Some people get really angry towards God. If God is a part of your life, a lot of people can get angry and blame God. You may feel that your face weakened because you're going to question, why did this happen?

How could God let this happen? So those are big questions and I'm not here to get into that specifically. But if that's a part of your life, your faith, and you're having those feelings and thoughts, it's really normal. But again, it's good to process that with somebody. But again, it's normal and don't feel bad about it.

So I know it's only September, but the holidays are right around the corner. Holidays and anniversaries are really tough a lot of times because they can be reminders of your loss. So it's good to always plan ahead to avoid some added stress. Only accept invitations you're comfortable with. Don't expect others to remember or to be sensitive to how you might feel because you're thinking, everyone's going to remember this is the date, or what I'm going through, and they might not and it's okay.

That's why the ones you're close to say, hey, you know what, that anniversary is coming up. Or I'm really stressed about the holidays, like maybe especially my first holidays or the holidays are always a special time for me and this person or whatever loss you're going through. And I'd want someone to say, hey, I just want to let you know this coming up, it's going to be tough because I want to be there for those people in my life. And yeah, I might not always remember, so just don't take that personal, but be okay bringing it up and reminding them. Also another resource if you're not in therapy, or if you are in therapy, there's a lot of self help groups.

I've had some friends that have had losses and they've gone to self help groups. They have said it's been very helpful because again, people have similar experiences. And by sharing some of those deeper feelings, it helps you process that with people that really understand and can accept where you're coming from and knowing that you're not alone and there are others who can really understand and who care about you. So support groups aren't for everybody, but if that's something you think that could be helpful, I'd really encourage you. So these are all different things just about understanding grief.

So as I mentioned earlier, expectations can be a real problem when it comes to grief and loss. Your own expectations, others expectations. So let's talk about some expectations that you can have for yourself so you can understand more. Your grief might take longer than most people think it should. Your grief may take more energy than you even can imagine and it may involve continual changes.

It can manifest itself in all different areas of your life, social, health, obviously your thoughts, your feelings, your spiritual beliefs and your grief will definitely depend on how you perceive the loss. I know that when both my parents passed away at the end of their lives, they did not have quality of life. That definitely helped me process the loss. And not that I didn't obviously feel sad and I missed them, but I didn't want them to still keep on living in the way that they were. So that was my perception that it was better that they go because their quality of life wasn't there for them anymore.

So that definitely helped me with my grief. So that was just my experience. But it depends on how you perceive the loss. And you may grieve for many things, symbolic things that are tangible not just actual loss itself or the Death, and you may grieve for what you have lost already as well as your future, whether you have hopes and dreams, unfulfilled expectations that you're hoping for, whether it's, again, a person, your career. So you can see how this fits into really all different areas of your life.

And you can have a wide variety of feelings and reactions. Some you probably expect, some you're like, oh, I didn't see that coming. So you want to just, again, take your time, breathe, give yourself moments to kind of reflect on how you're doing.

You might get really confused sometimes, too, about who am I now without this job, without this person in my life. If you lost a partner, like, what am I now? Because I'm not a partner anymore? To somebody like, where do I fit in? If you lose a child, I'm a parent.

Am I not a parent anymore? So there's a lot of confusion about your role and how that changes in your life when you lose a person relationship. And again, a lot of people have lost big jobs, and they don't really know who they are anymore because it was such a huge part of their identity, because of the intensity and the unfamiliarity of the grieving experience, as well as all this uncertainty about your new role in the world is going to be confusing. Right, that makes sense. You might be angry.

You might be depressed. You could be irritable, frustrated, intolerant, guilty. You might feel lower selfworth, not a real strong good feelings about yourself. You can have upsurges of grief that occur, like with our warning, you could just be watching a TV show or driving somewhere, and just all these feelings come up of grief. You can have trouble focusing, making decisions.

Your memory could be affected. You also become obsessed with the death or preoccupied with thoughts of the deceased loved ones. So that's something that's normal. But again, you want to be able to talk to someone about that so it doesn't just overtake everything going on in your life. And you might search for some meaning in your life and question your beliefs now that your life has changed so much.

That's really normal. And I think there's some really good things about that to kind of say, how do I see my future? How do I want it to be? How do I want to live my life? How do I want to live my life?

You can also have a lot of physical reactions. And as always, certain dates, events, seasons, lots of reminders can bring up your grief. So I know this is a big list. I just want you to be mindful and prepared if you're going through this, that it's like, oh, yeah, I remember Dr. Julie said this is normal, because I always tell everyone, going through grief is like a roller coaster.

One day he's like, okay, you know what? I'm good. I got this. I can move forward. And then the next day, you can't stop crying, and then you feel like you're okay again.

So it's not like, oh, step 12345. It's a process, and it's different for everybody. And just give yourself again that love and that grace and that space to be able to process that so you can get to that place of acceptance and really feel like you can move on. So now that I've shared about expectations, I just wanted to share some things that you could need, like during your group that could be helpful. And the first thing is time, alone time with people that you trust and care about, sometimes months and years.

You need to be able to feel and process this and understand your feelings that go along with the loss. And you want to really be patient with yourself. You also need rest. I say relaxation, exercise, nourishment diversion, right? Those four things, you might need extra amounts of some of them more than others.

Grief can be exhausting emotionally, and you really need to find a way to replenish yourself and follow what feels healing to you and what connects to you and the people that you cherish. It's also important to feel some security, so try to reduce or help find some help if there's some financial stress in your life during this loss, right, that's person with work, whatever is going on, and allow yourself to be close to those that you trust. So they can maybe give you some direction regarding how to handle finances. If that's something you want to do, it at your own pace, but you want to be able to make good decisions. And when you're grieving, sometimes it's overwhelming to do that.

And sometimes things come up like, oh, we got to handle this now, even though I know you don't want to do that. So find someone that you can feel secure with. Another thing that you need during your grief is just caring. So you need acceptance and caring throughout the whole grief period. So again, you want to allow yourself to accept expressions of others to care for you.

Even though it might feel kind of awkward or uneasy sometimes we don't want help and we think we're a burden, but you just want to say, yes. Can I give you a meal? Yes. Can I help you with this? Sure.

Can I mow your lawn? Yes. Just say yes. Any kind of help. And if you do lack support, make finding it your first goal.

You really need to have someone that you can go to. Even if they're not suffering the same loss, they can be there for you and for you to have that closeness with someone and to feel cared for. Another thing you might want to start thinking about when you're ready is just what are some goals that you have for yourself. So again, at first, it might feel like your life doesn't have much meeting, but small goals are really helpful. There are things to look forward to when you're ready.

Maybe, I don't know, like playing tennis with a friend, going on a movie night, planning a little overnight trip with a friend. Just some things to think about, like, oh, that'll be nice when I get together with my girlfriend next week. So living one day at a time is definitely rule of thumb. But it's also good to plan some little goals. And you might be surprised that you might enjoy some of these things, even though you don't think you're going to.

So my mantra about making decisions based on what's best for you and how you feel definitely plays into this. You're thinking, I don't feel like doing any of this stuff. I don't want to be around people, I don't want to go for a walk. I can't even think on a movie. Right?

But, okay, let me just show up and see how it goes, because it's going to be good for me when I'm ready to start getting out into the world again.

And as time passes, then you can work on some longer range goals. Give yourself some structure and some direction in your life so you'll know when you're ready. And sometimes you might say, would it be best for me to go? Even though I don't feel like it? Yeah, and go show up.

I always tell everybody, you're not stuck. You can go home if you're like. I'm not ready, but I thought I would try. You can go home. You're not stuck.

You don't owe anybody an explanation. Most people understand if you're open and honest and just say, I'm not ready, it's overwhelming. Okay, thanks for showing up. I'm glad you came. And then the last thing I want to say, that's a great thing to have during your grief time is small pleasure.

So don't underestimate the healing of small pleasures as you're ready for them. So what are some small pleasures? Maybe a sunset, taking a walk on the beach, having your favorite food. These are just all small steps towards regaining your pleasure in life. Don't be afraid to have fun.

Laughter is a good medicine. Sometimes we feel grief for having fun or moving on with our lives, especially if we lost a person because we're thinking, they're not here. I don't deserve to be happy, right? I need to keep grieving. Like, what does that mean?

If I'm happy again and I'm laughing, does that mean that I don't miss them anymore? No, but that's a thought we're going to have. That's a hot thought, that you can find happiness still while you'll always miss that person, you'll always wish they were here with you, right? Perhaps. But it doesn't mean you can't go on and still have a full life and almost honoring that person's memory.

Right? Because I know most of us, without even asking to ask each of us that if we don't, unexpectedly, we would want our loved ones to find a way to grieve and to move on and still have a happy life. I think that's very true for most of us. So what would my loved one want? It's okay for me to laugh and have pleasure and enjoy and be able to still go on with the life that we have.

The last part that I wanted to talk about is having a new beginning. And how do you know when you're feeling better? I don't know if most people take the time to say, oh, I'm doing better, they just kind of keep going on and kind of doing what they need to do and moving on with life and don't really take the time to say, yeah, you know what? Things are getting better. So part of a new beginning is also letting go and resume in your own life.

Having lost a loved one or whatever. Your losses in your life is difficult and obviously an emotional task like we've talked about today. And the pet doesn't always seem clear at times. And if sometimes it feels like you're traveling alone doesn't always feel safe, right? So grief and mourning allow you to heal, though, and help you to cross that bridge.

So it leads to new people in your life, new experiences, and you've begun the, as we say, quote, letting go process when you recognize that you have withstood a tremendous loss. And all of the feelings connected to this are real. Your tears, your anger, your guilt is all symbolic of a normal morning process. And the feelings might be repeated many times before you begin to master the healing process, right? I say it's back and forth, but letting go not only involves validating your feelings and reaching out, but also leaving behind some of your old self because of your loved one's loss.

Whatever you're grieving, you may never be quite the same again. And that's okay. Grief has a really unique way of enabling you to develop and grow through the pain, even though it's hard to see. This might mean making new friends, taking a new job, learning a new skill, whatever the change, this might bring welcome feelings of new happiness for you. And again, it doesn't mean you forgot your loved one or whatever your grief is or that you're okay with it.

And you don't block out the memories of your life altogether, of course, but it means that it's time to renew the task of living and moving on and being a stronger person. So a lost loved one would not want you to spend the rest of your life craving. They'd want you to grow and continue to live, not just exist. So I'm going to share a couple of things so, you know, like, okay, so how do I know if I'm doing better? Right?

So even though all of you have your own style, and timeline for grieving. You can measure your progress by reflecting certain feelings and behaviors that come as you begin to feel better. So maybe your sense of humor returns. You find yourself laughing. That's the way you know you're on your way to feeling better.

And also find your mood strings aren't so high or low, and you can feel the time length in between the times you do feel upset. Also, if you find yourself making major decisions, be mindful that you're taking responsibility for determining the quality of your life, and this means that you're feeling better as well. Also, when you find yourself letting go of people who have caused you pain or frustration, and when you're making new friends, you ensure that you have the right people that will support you and that you don't need to be lonely. So just being aware of productive therapist talks a lot about your environment, and that a lot is who's in my environment? Who are the people?

And I'm going to make really healthy choices, and I'm going to be mindful. A lot of times when we lose someone or we've even been in a situation where maybe we didn't know if we were going to survive, I think it really helps us reflect, like, who do I want in my life? I don't want to put up with BS anymore because I really know what it feels like to maybe almost lose my life. I really want to make mindful relationships, decisions. I really want to live my life and be more present because I've been there or I've lost somebody, right?

It really helps us reflect. That's kind of a silver lining sometimes on my living the life that I want. And do I need to maybe get rid of some people in my life? Or do I need to set better boundaries? So that's the way you're feeling better when you're like, I just don't need this anymore.

I'm not here to make anybody feel good. I don't need to put up with bad behavior. I need to have healthy people in my life. So that's another way you know that you're feeling good. And finally, when you learn that your life is in your hands and you're capable of taking charge, you will know that you have truly groaned and you have healed.

So it's not just one thing, but it's many things that you'll be able to see, like, I am feeling better. And again, it doesn't mean anniversaries, I still won't be sad, but they'll get a little easier. As time goes on, you'll find more meaning in your life, maybe different ways to celebrate versus grieving, the loss. So there's lots and lots of different ways you can grieve, have a new beginning for yourself and know, what am I doing that I know that I'm feeling better? You know yourself better than anybody, so definitely be reflective and think about that.

You know, when your thoughts are getting healthier. Which will help obviously, right, decrease your negative moods, your behaviors will be better regarding taking care of yourself. Maybe you start exercising again, you start again reaching out for more support. Maybe you're more open and honest with people in your life. Maybe you start making new friends, saying I want, this is who I want to have in my life versus what I have had.

All those kinds of things. Those are ways for you to reflect. So if you're going through this right now, when you're ready, maybe make a list, what would it look like when I'm feeling better? And then that's something you can refer to and be able to reflect and say, yeah, you know what, I am doing better and these are some other things that I want to work towards. So keeping maybe a personal journal will be a way for you to make the list.

Journaling has been found to be really useful in providing your own self expression and examining your own life. A lot of times people start writing things and they're like, I didn't even know I was thinking that they'll share with me. So they can be really healing. When you're going through a loss in a way to express your emotions, it's very safe, it's very thoughtful because it's in your journal and nobody will see it and you don't have to share it if you don't want to. And again, it allows you to reflect upon the meaning, significance of the events that are going on in your life.

So it could be maybe finding a workbook more of a diary, a journal again, and it's just putting your ideas on paper so you can clarify your thoughts and understand what are my health thoughts, what are facts? And what are the feelings that are coming up because of the way I'm thinking and are they really true? Let me use the tools, let me use my CBT tools to help me walk through that. It also helps you to discriminate and to choose which of your thoughts are important enough to really put down on paper so you can work through them. And it also can help you sometimes get in touch with what are your own sense of values so you can make good decisions for yourself.

The other great thing about journaling is because you put them on paper, you don't have to be preoccupied that you're going to forget things or special moments because now you have them on paper, right? It makes room for you to have different ways of thinking that maybe you didn't have time before to think about. Because a lot of times you're worried about I'm going to forget them, I'm going to forget their voice, I'm going to forget memories or special things. So writing it down can be effective for you to process that. Know that you have some kind of documenting the things you want to remember, maybe share one day kind of letting off steam sometimes to let you move on with your life and moving forward.

Some people want to write a lot of detailed account of the person that passed away or the loss that you had in your life, the qualities of that relationship, different memories you remember, the good as well as the bad sometimes, and it makes the story really real for you. Most people are surprised exactly how much they are able to remember. You'll be surprised when you write things down like, oh yeah, I thought I forgot about that. But as I'm writing, I'm remembering more, I'm remembering more. I want to put all of this down.

And one last thing I want to write about journaling is it also gives you an opportunity to say what could not be said when you're going through your loss, especially with a loved one when they were alive. And it offers you a chance to say goodbye if you didn't get to do that. So that can be really powerful. Writing about that personal experience with grief is really part of your grief process. So in addition to your thoughts, your observations about yourself, you know, things that have happened can be really powerful and a really great keepsake for you to read down the road.

Just to give you a couple of ideas before I finish up here, I know I keep going on, so I keep thinking, oh, I want to share this, I want to share that. But some people are like, I don't know how to get started with doing journal. So a couple of things you could start with is what's a special memory that you have about the person? Or what is it that you miss most about your loss that you're going through? What would I like to ask that person, maybe, or what's something I wish we had done or hadn't done?

And one last one is ways in which you'll continue to live on and that person will live on in your life. So those are just ideas on how to get started. If you're feeling kind of lost and not sure what to say, I'm going to share one more tool before we finish up here. And it's a really cool worksheet that I found called I Am Healing. And it talks again about measuring your progress with your loss by identifying certain feelings, your thoughts, behaviors that come to you about as you feel better.

So I'm going to give you a couple of things that you can write down and kind of work on. So the first one you can write down is, I will always remember the happy, funny times when fill that in. I've made the following decisions during the past several months. That's number two. Fill that in.

Number three is I have discovered the following personal strengths and abilities which I was not aware of, which is really powerful. And number four is this has been a challenge, but I have changed and grown because of it. And then you can put underneath that I have learned. Whatever you've learned, I've become. However you want to fill that in.

I now feel like I've regained control in whatever part of your life I feel hopeful about. And I am making these plans for my future. So this is a really great worksheet that allows you to look within and see, like, oh, you know what? I am healing. And I think it's important for you to see that you're healing and moving forward.

Because when we first go through the loss, I think a lot of times we're like, I am never going to get through this, and I'm never moving on. I'm never going to be happy again. Those are all those hot thoughts, right? That are going through. What am I thinking about?

This making me feel so sad and overwhelmed. And they're all legit. They're all legit when you go through a loss. And I didn't even mention this yet. I want to losing pets, right?

I've lost a couple of pets and I thought, I'm never going to get another dog. That I'm as crazy about is I had Pugsli and then I pumped in, and now I have Paisley. And I've loved all my dogs. They're all wonderful. They all bring me joy.

But when you lose a pet that you're so close to I took a couple of years, actually, me and my husband, till we got another dog. It was just too much. After losing the second one, I'm like, oh, I need a little break. That was my grief. That was my process.

And then when I was ready, I knew it. People were kind of pushing, go get another dog. You feel better? I was like, we're just not ready. We allowed ourselves the time to grieve, and then when we were ready, we're able to really bring Paisley into our home and love her.

And now look at her like she's taking the place of our other dogs. Right? So that was just our process. Some people do. A lot of people get pets right away.

That's okay too, if whatever works for you. But like I said, the loss comes in so many ways. So many ways. I hope this was helpful. I know I've included a lot of stuff.

So much came to mind as I kept talking about this. And again, I wanted this to be another podcast about grief that was a little more detailed and gave you some more specific tools on how to understand it, what you need, how to reach out to other people, how you can assess that you're healing and give yourself that space and acceptance and permission to go through your grief in a way that's going to help you get to that place of feeling healed and like you can move on.

So that's it for today. Again, I hope this was helpful.

If you have any burning therapy questions you want answered, you can always email me at mycbtpodcast@gmail.com

You can find me on Instagram at MyCBTPodcast. My website is mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com

I'm also on Facebook under Dr Julie Osbourn.

Again, if you send me an email, I will always keep your name confidential, but I love sharing it on the air. I think it's really helpful. People enjoy hearing the emails.

Also, remember, I always talk about Mind Over Mood book. If you're ready, I think that can help you a progress to learning the full record. In the book we talk about forgiveness, acceptance, a lot of positive psychology, things that can help.

So on my podcast here, you will see the Mind Over Mood book in the transcription. You can click it on and get more in depth with the CBT tools. And I'm always here to answer questions.

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Thanks again for joining me. Stay safe.

And remember, make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.