Episode #53 

How To Handle Reentry Anxiety

As our communities start to open back up after Covid, are you feeling some anxiety and uncertainty?

Do you struggle to reconcile what you hear in the news with how you feel?

How can you know what's safe and what isn't?

How can you know how to FEEL safe?

And how can you help others around you to feel safe and comfortable as we all adjust to new norms?

In this special episode, Dr Julie shows you how to use the power of CBT to examine your thoughts and feelings about returning to your life, and how to ease your anxieties and the anxieties of those around you.

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Full Episode Transcript

Hi, my name is Dr. Julie Osborn. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a licensed clinical social worker specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm here to help you bring the power of CBT into your own life.

In this podcast, I'm going to answer some questions and share with you practical ways to apply CBT principles so you can achieve a greater level of happiness and satisfaction in your life in relationships.

But first, I wanted to share a really nice email I received because I was let you guys know when you reach out to me that I like to share how the CBT podcast has been helpful.

So this says,

“Hi Dr. Osborn. I'm a listener of my CBT from the Philippines. I suffer from depression and my therapist recommended your podcast to me. I just finished listening to Handling Personality Conflicts. And I want to thank you for this episode because I needed at this time, I currently live with someone I have a personally conflict with and I live in a residence with other professional women. She dominates the conversations and says a lot of hurtful and insensitive things to me and I avoid being around her.

This podcast episode gave me invaluable advice about how I can handle my relationship with her, and I look forward to listening to more.”

So thank you very much for that email and I'm glad that you found the podcast helpful, which is always my intention for you guys is to find the podcast helpful, learn tools that you can use immediately in your life and see what the power of CBT is all about and to be happier with the life with your life.

So what I want to talk about today is a topic I've had a lot of emails about phone calls dealing with my own clients, which is what they call Reentry Anxiety. And that's about people going back out into the world, all of us now that Covid is better. And a lot of states are taking the restrictions down and what that looks like and, you know, it's kind of ironic because I know a lot of us have just been waiting for this day.

A lot of us are also a little fearful about what that looks like, what's best for each of us, you know, what are you most comfortable with? You may still want to wear a mask, even if you don't have to. You may avoid large crowds going to concerts or the shopping mall or the fair. That's probably fairs that might be out this summer and things like that. So even though you can do things, what are you going to do and how am I going to manage the anxiety I might have regarding that?

And how do I manage other people's anxiety? Right. There might be people that you hang out with that are more anxious than you are that have been in more locked down during this time and are taking smaller steps. And how can you compromise and work with them without getting angry or annoyed or pushing them too fast? So there's a lot of stuff to think about that I don't think we thought about because we were so stressed out about just being in lockdown and not being able to have the lives that we wanted.

So I thought, you know what? This is a really good topic to talk about because I'm just having a lot of people ask questions. So the pandemic changed our life in many unexpected ways. And the level of uncertainty of covid is what's been most difficult for. Many of us have become habituated to a new way of life, and many of us even feel safe and comforted being home. So to resume our activities while the epidemic is still going on at some level is another transition your brain needs to adapt to quickly.

You know, all of a sudden it's like, OK, things are changed, things are restrict, the restrictions are gone. You can just go out. So, of course, this is going to be anxiety provoking for a lot of people. And even though things are much better, the pandemic continues to be uncertain. And many of us still worry about who may have covered. If you get covid, which creates worries about your health and family members job concerns and financial concerns, you know, if you've been vaccinated, it's not 100 percent right.

So then you're like, OK, if I'm with other vaccinated people, I'm good. If I'm not and someone else wearing a mask, I'm pretty good. If I'm you know, there's there's so many variants that people are thinking about. And with that anxiety that's created from this concern, underlying anxiety, usually there's fear, there's nervousness, dread and worry. And there's lots of things to worry about, which I've already mentioned. And I also wanted to mention, you know, just even parenting issues, you know, what does this look like going forward?

Telling my kids, OK, I want you to be safe here, but here you feel it's OK to be so you know, you don't want to send them mixed messages and have them confused, not sure what to do and how are the schools handling it? So, again, there's lots of things that some of us might not think about because, you know, parents who may not be a part of your life right now, but there's a lot of things that maybe friends, families are still struggling with.

You know, and when you think about covid, too, you know, really posed a threat to our lives and our health. Right. So that's why it's inevitable, inevitable that we will feel some anxiety. And resuming activities again causes anxiety as well that I don't think a lot of us really thought about. And it's OK and even healthy to experience some reentry anxiety because something. I can help you stay safe, be mindful of and be have preventative behaviors and exercise appropriate caution.

So if you listen to one of my podcasts call Reframing Your Feelings, you know, I talked about to look at, you know, what are your negative moods actually say about you? That's awesome and great and wonderful. And your reentry anxiety to reframe that in a positive way, you know, shows that you really care about not just yourself, but others, you know, and you're thinking about what's best for yourself in your community, your family.

So it's OK to have some anxiety. Of course, we don't want it to ruin your life. Right. And to create lots of fear. But it just is showing that just because everyone's saying things are better, maybe for me, I'm still going to be a little careful. And I always want to be mindful and I don't know if we'll ever be exactly the same. I don't think we will going forward. I think things will always be different.

I've talked to some people that said, you know, even when I don't have to wear a mask, like on an airplane, I'm always going to wear one. From now on, I just feel more comfortable. I'm like, cool. Like, it doesn't affect anyone else. Right. But it makes you feel more comfortable. That's OK. That's what I'm saying. We're going to pick and choose what's best for you. And if you don't decide to wear a mask, which is totally fine as well because you feel comfortable, again, that's your choice.

We can all choose. But I think we need to be mindful and understanding to our differences going in and not to create more anxiety or angst between each other. So I want to go over the barrel, ten steps of some things that you can start doing to deal with re entry into your world and what's going to be best for you and maybe what boundaries you need to set for yourself. So the first thing is you always want to practice being present.

So what do I mean by that is, you know, being present in the moment, right. Whatever it say. Today's Tuesday, for example, being focused on today, today's Tuesday. What am I going to do for myself? What's going to be best? How am I going to keep myself safe and healthy and comfortable, you know, instead of worrying about what's going to happen next week or when you have to maybe go back to the office or, you know, there's a big family party you're being pressured to go to and you're not sure if you want to go, those things can just cause all that excessive worry and anxiety.

So come back to the moment, be present. What am I going to do for myself today? I don't even have to necessarily decide what I'm going to do about next week or what happens when I go back to the office of the with that then and I'll see, you know, how comfortable I am and kind of where the world's at. So that's the first thing is being present. The second thing is to recognize what you can control. Right.

That's that's the key to decreasing anxiety because anxiety is usually focusing on the future and what we don't have control over, which is other people, places and things. Right. So what do I have control over is, again, how I handle myself and the choices I make regarding wearing a mask, going to certain places in a restaurant or eating outside of the restaurant, going to a park where I feel comfortable versus, you know, maybe a big stadium where there's lots of people.

So what do I have control over is my choices. You have a lot of control over your life. You can pick and choose where you go. And that's the stuff that I want to focus on. And even things you may think like, well, I don't have control if I have to go back to the office, maybe not. If you want to keep that job, you might have to go back to the office. But you have control over maybe meeting with your manager, sharing your concerns, asking your manager, OK, what's the company doing to keep us safe now that we're all going to be enclosed, you know, offices?

Is the ventilation good if I want to wear a mask of my allowed to, you know, are you separating the desks a little bit? You know, whatever they might be doing, the control you have is getting educated, sharing your concerns, maybe giving some ideas of things they didn't think about. So that's control you have right there. So you always want to find where do I have control in my life, in the choices, in my environment.

Remember, environment is one of the big factors of CBT. Another step is to pay attention to your unique situation. Right. So maybe your situation and other people, though, know maybe you have a family member at home that's sick. Right? Maybe you have some underlying medical issues that no one can see on the outside and you're not wanting to share that, but you want to stay safe and be a little more cautious. So, you know, what is my unique situation and what's going to be best for me and then deciding, you know, do I want to share with maybe a couple people so they understand, do I not?

And I just make the choices I want to make. So if there's a unique situation in your life, take account of that as well. You also another step that's really helpful is to engage in something that's fulfilling. So instead of just going through the everyday steps of life, you know, I've got to go to work, clean the house, do the laundry. What are some things that I can find fulfilling to get back to whatever that might be, maybe getting back to the gym or finding a workout group, maybe even outside that you feel comfortable with, if you prefer that, you know, getting back.

I've talked to a lot of people that love to paint through going to the store and buying some canvas and some painting. Going in different places in the beach or the mountains, wherever they enjoy to do some painting, finding some things that are fulfilling, I think, you know, fulfilling for me, too, is connecting with people and starting to see some friends. I've traveled a little bit, saw some friends and family, which was fantastic. Those things are fulfilling and made me feel, quote, normal again while still being careful and being safe to what was best for me.

But, you know, get back, think about, you know, what are some things I used to love to do that maybe I couldn't do during the pandemic and to get back or to try something new, you know, but what's fulfilling to you? Another step again is to take a gradual approach, go at your pace, don't feel pressure from other people and then be all anxious wherever you're at. You're not even going to enjoy what you're doing or the time you're spending together with loved ones or friends.

So take a gradual pace. So think about what is it that I would enjoy doing and what am I comfortable at. So if you're using the Mind over Mood Workbook, Chapter 14, which is called Understanding Anxiety, one of the CBT tools in there is called a fear ladder. So think about a ladder. You're taking steps going up, up, up to get to the top. So a fear ladder is where on the top will set a goal, right, to go to my family party and spend time with everybody.

So if that's your goal, go down to the bottom of the ladder. What's your first step? Right. Maybe talking to the host of the party and kind of finding out are we going to be in the backyard or are we're going to be inside? You know, what's the environment going to be look like? You know, what's the next step is maybe starting to get outside a little more. If that's something you haven't done. Another step could be hanging out with a couple of friends.

So you go up this ladder with baby steps so that when you get to the top, which is going to this family party, which is your goal, you're going to be comfortable and you're going to have a plan of action that's going to make you be able to enjoy the party, not be so worried. So doing a fear letter, letters again, taking things gradual and figuring out what steps you want to take that are going to make you most comfortable.

And along the way, because we're doing CBT, right, we want to be aware of what am I thinking about that's causing me this continued fear and anxiety. Are you listening to the news too much? Are you listening to too many different news stations or reading too many things? We're getting a lot of mixed messages. You know, be careful how much news you watch. A lot of fear induced news out there. And you want to get the facts and you don't want to listen to too much, you know, get what you need and then move on, OK?

Or go to your doctor and talk to them. So when you feel comfortable and trust, possibly get information from them, but you want to be educated and you want to be safe, but you don't want to take in too much because then your your thoughts could be right. I don't know what to trust. I'm getting too much information. I'm not going to do anything because I don't know who to listen to. Those are all your thoughts, which are the thoughts, which then create the anxiety and then the behaviors to avoid maybe some physical reactions of, you know, your heart palpitating or short of breath or uncomfortable and easy.

You know? That's right. The CBT, we get our thoughts that create our moods, which affects our behaviors and our physical reactions, and then, of course, our environment, which is a huge factor here. So along the way, we want to be mindful. What am I thinking about is that I have thought and if it is, I need a challenge that you also could do some journaling, which is a great tool, just kind of take some time to write out your thoughts and concerns, get them out of your head.

And on paper, it helps you stop the ruminating going over and over and over the same thing. And sometimes, you know, we write stuff down and we realize we're having thoughts we don't even know we had. So journaling can be really helpful. Another CBT tool, which is really great, is having what we call worry time. So worry time is, you know, we all worry, right. And sometimes it's good to worry. There's some things to be concerned about.

But if you're a worrier that's really getting in the way, you would say, OK, every day at four o'clock to four fifteen is my worry time. I'm just going to have fifteen minutes where I just worry about everything I think, think, think, every worry, every worry, every worry. And then after those fifteen minutes you let it go until the next day. So during the day, if you start to worry, you say, oh nope, I need to wait to four o'clock.

That's my worry time. So you're going to give yourself a chance to worry, but you're not going to do it all day long. And they tell you a little secret is this tool works really great in stopping. You're worrying because when people have worry time and they do it over and over at the same time, eventually they kind of get sick and tired of doing it and they let it go. So it's a really great tool to try. And again, you're not going to let your anxiety and worry affect your entire day.

So that's another tool. One of the best tools and I know I've talked about this before, too, is gratitude. Research shows the happiest people are the ones that are most grateful. Get out a journal piece of paper, talking to your phone on, you know, is making a list wherever you want to put it and started gratitude list. You don't even have to add to it every day. But I'd recommend you read it every day. I recommend with my clients when they first wake up in the morning before they go to bed, just read the gratitude.

Listen, it'll be a reminder and. Add to it when things happen during the day or things you remember, so being grateful, right, being grateful for making it through the pandemic that we're here overall, hopefully your health as well, your families. Well, we have a plan to go forward and you can decide how you want to handle that as well. So the gratitude is I can make some choices. I can get back to the life that I've missed or I can add new things.

I can maybe change things. Maybe I wasn't that happy before that. And now this is give me the opportunity to look for a new job or to try something different. And, you know, our people have moved during this time so you can create the life you want if you didn't have that before. So that's all part of your gratitude. If you're really struggling with this anxiety reentry, I would avoid alcohol right now. If that's something that you do, you know, alcohol can just feed into the anxiety also cause depression and worry makes you harder to have good insight and good judgment.

So I would just eliminate that and be really mindful of also how much caffeine you're taking in, because that's a stimulant and that can cause a lot of anxiety for people as well. So be mindful, I guess, overall, really, of your health and your diet. The healthier you are, the better sleep you're getting, the better self care. You could always handle stress better and bring that anxiety down. So that's part of, you know, the self care, which is my last point here.

And I want to add to the self care is staying connected with family and friends and things that are important to you if you are part of a religious community. You know, a lot of churches, temples are reopening, you know, go back at your comfort level and some are kind of taking reservations or letting so many people in at a time and they're going to build from there. But, you know, pick one night and take a reservation and show up.

Or if you have a church that has services that aren't on Sundays because they're most busy those days, you go when it's a smaller service and just, you know, take some baby steps in that fear that, you know, build up and build up. And you feel comfortable getting back to where you were before and telling you once you get back in a community, I think you'll realize how much you missed it, if that was a part of your life before and staying connected to family and friends and making the effort to see each other, even if you have to drive a little bit.

I know we tend to get caught up in our lives and we don't see each other. And I think, at least for me, the pandemic made me realize how important it is to take the time to actually see each other. It's nice to talk on the phone or text, but to make the time for each other to meet up, even if it's for lunch or hang out for the weekend, I think we tend to forget and minimize, like, I'm OK, I don't need this, I don't need that.

And then when we actually are with each other, we connect. We're like, wow, this is really important. So that's part of yourself. Care is staying connected and then doing the other things, as I mentioned before, with self care about diet, exercise, you know, spirituality is a part of your life to be reconnected to that as well. So those are my ten points to helping with this reentry anxiety. These are ten steps everyone can use.

But I also want to add that if you're reentry anxiety is really affecting you seriously, I would seek help and get some therapy because you want to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. You want to get back to your life and you want to feel good about how you're handling things and you want to feel like you can cope and that you have the tools to cope is not just hoping things will go well. Right. And hope is not a plan, but it's that I have tools so that when I'm in situations that I'm uncomfortable or I'm a little worried, I'm not sure what to do.

I can learn how to identify what I'm thinking that's causing that anxiety. I know if they're thoughts and know how to challenge and change them, and the more confidence you feel, the better life you're going to have and the happy will be. So is always practicing. CBT can make all the difference in the world, makes all the difference in the world for me and my clients I work with. I see just phenomenal things every day when people really decide to get well and take control over their lives and get rid of their symptoms and, you know, create the life that they desire.

So let me just summarize by saying it's normal to have this reentry anxiety, but you want to do something about it and not just say, I'm just anxious to get back into my life. What are you going to do about it? What tools do you need to learn? Who do you need to reach out to? Who can be good support? And as I mentioned at the beginning, to be mindful. If you're someone who's totally comfortable and there's people that aren't totally comfortable in your life, you know, that's a discussion to start.

That's a good dialog to have. You know, I'm OK doing this. I see you're not. Where can we have a happy medium? Because I want to spend some time with you, but I don't want you to be sitting there with me looking around because you're so anxious. I want you to be comfortable and for us to find something we can do in common and we both feel good about. So be mindful of that and be caring and loving to those people in your life that are struggling.

So that's it for today. I hope this was helpful for you.

If you have a burning therapy question you'd love answered or if you have suggestions or any feedback or if you feel like I missed a point here that it would be good to continue talking about, you can email me at MyCBTPodcast@gmail.com.

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Thanks for joining me. Continue to stay safe. I'll see you next week.

And remember to always make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.