2 Secrets To A Successful Relationship (Even If It’s Just You Working On It!)

A warm love relationship with good communication and give-and-take can be infinitely rewarding.

But people are imperfect and conflict is bound to happen even in the most loving relationship.  How can you improve your relationship, even if it’s just you working on it for now?

Here are two powerful tools that have been consistently proven to help:

1 Take Care of Your Own Needs

We often look to our partner to provide for our needs, and this can be a big mistake.

People, whether they are in a relationship or not, need to function in a whole and complete manner.

The best relationships are generally those in which two healthy and fully functioning adults come together and enhance each other with love, support, trust and nurturance. They appreciate the gestures of love that they receive from their partner, but they would be able to live full and complete lives even if they were not in a relationship.

We sometimes think that the two people should give equally to the relationship in order to achieve a balance but it may be more productive to see the balance in a different way.

Think instead about achieving a balance within yourself, so that the question becomes one of deciding how much to give to the relationship and how much to give to yourself.

There are some things that you may want and which you can provide for yourself. You see these things as non-negotiable.

For example, if your partner is always late for social events and you find this unacceptable, try going once alone - and the next time your partner will probably be ready on time!

If your partner feels threatened by this, gets angry and starts an argument, try showing some empathy and decisiveness. Don’t participate in the argument. Simply say that you understand your partner’s feelings, but that this is something which is very important to you and you have decided to do it. It does not mean that you are rejecting or abandoning your partner, but it does mean that you are asserting yourself in a healthy way and taking care of your own needs. A simple act of assertiveness can often break a destructive pattern of mutual neediness.

2 Do the Exact Opposite of What You Have Been Doing

Each partner in a relationship plays a role. It’s important to identify the role that each of you plays and then try to make a change.

One way of accomplishing this is to identify your role and then do the exact opposite. This takes courage, because of fear that abandoning our previous role will only make the problem worse. In truth, however, changing this role will compel your partner to make a change as well, a change which may enhance the relationship.

For example, Joan complains that Jeff plays golf all the time and doesn’t have time for her. Joan plays the role of the one who nags and Jeff plays the role of the one who rebels by playing golf.

If Joan were to change her role from nagging to supporting, Jeff might make a change from rebelling to cooperating. Joan could learn to play golf herself, ask Jeff about his day on the course, and buy him some golf-related gifts. She could also cultivate her own interests.

Jeff, in turn, realizing that Joan is now doing the exact opposite of what she had been doing, will no longer feel that he has to rebel against her. Because she shows support for his interests, he will then reciprocate by showing more concern for her needs.

People respond much more readily to support than to criticism. The old destructive pattern has now been broken and each partner is now free both to pursue their own needs and to give to the other.

Can you see how these two practical suggestions could make an immediate and logical change in a relationship? Try them out for yourself and see what good results you can create.

Want more tips for improving your relationship? Bookmark this page and pop back in two weeks to learn two more secrets to successful relationships.