Episode #191

Community, Environment & CBT

Part of learning CBT is understanding five fundamental elements. Your environment is one of those.

What is your support system or community like?

How can you change your environment and improve your support system?

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share some insights that can help you improve this vital aspect of recovery using CBT.

Click to listen now!

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, welcome to my CBT podcast. This is Dr. Julie. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I'm here to bring the power of CBT into your own life.

So welcome.

I hope everybody is doing well. As always, I appreciate you being here with me. I'm going to read a quick little email I received from another counselor.

“Hi, Julie. I hope this message finds you well.

“I came across your podcast and have been absolutely loving it. Thank you for all the helpful information. I'm a high school counselor and starting private practice, so I'm gathering as much information as possible to better prepare for clients. The skills you teach and your delivery are so tangible, and I really appreciate it. I'm eager to learn more and wonder if you have any recommendations for the next steps.

“I'd appreciate any of your thoughts and recommendations. Thanks again for all your insight, and I hope to hear from you soon. All the best, Sam.”

So I appreciate that, and I got back to her. And just to share with you guys, if you're looking for more training or workshops on CBT, I always refer everybody to go to feelinggoodinstitute.com to be able to Look up and see.

You can find CBT therapists also if I'm not in your area to work with. And again, they have different workshops and intensives and different things like that. And then also, I just want to remind everybody that, um, there's a Feeling Great Book Club that Dr. Brandon Vance and Dr. Heather Clegg run. They were on my podcast just recently. So they do, they go through the whole Feeling Great book by Dr. David Burns, and it's a really, it's really great.

They, it's very affordable. They'll do sliding scale. They don't want to turn anybody away, and it's definitely worth checking out if you're interested. You can go check them out if you look up feelinggreattherapycenter.com.

So one more time, that's feelinggreattherapycenter.com/book-club. This is for the Feeling Great book workshop, or study group, I should say. Again, it's 12 weeks. It's for professionals, but it's also for the community. So that's just another resource out there.

Great ways to learn about CBT, affordable. Great practitioners. So, um, again, the intention here is to get CB2 out into the world more through my podcast, through workshops, through things like they're offering. So, um, just wanted to share that with you if you're looking for other stuff, whether you're a clinician or just an everyday person listening and wanting to do better and feel better and, and have the tools that will make you get there or help you get there. So, um, today what I want to talk about, because it's a topic that's been coming up a lot for me recently, is, uh, community, environment, and cognitive behavioral therapy.

So, um, I know I've mentioned this before, but part of learning cognitive behavioral therapy is understanding the 5 elements within that, which includes environment. So you have your environment, you have your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviors. And your physical reactions, right? So your environment can also sometimes maybe be considered like the situation that we're gonna focus on, but your environment is, you know, home, friends, relationships, work, um, religious community if that's part of your life, whatever, you know, environment that you're in. And community, um, is something that I always ask everybody about.

When I first have clients that are brand new, I always ask, you know, what's your support system like? What is— do you have a community? Not everybody does, which we'll talk about in a minute because it's really important. And I always, you know, talk to everybody about these different environments because sometimes that can be the problem in your life. It's normally not just one thing or that simple, but, you know, what was your home environment like growing up?

Also, I obviously, I talk to people about past traumas, what their childhood's like. So What was that environment like? Was it loving? Was it nurturing? What's your current environment like?

What's your work environment like? So you always want to, you know, assess and say, is that part of my problem or problems that I'm dealing with? Because people tend to minimize their environment or they tend to blame themselves for the problems, thinking it's always their fault. And Sometimes it isn't your fault. Sometimes it is just the environment.

I've had that experience with many, many people that I've worked with that I'm like, we need to get out of the environment for you to really be able to start making some healthy changes. And of course that can be scary. That can be, um, you know, something that you don't even think is an option, especially let's say if it's, you know, work and obviously you need your paycheck. Let's say it's family. It's like, oh, I can't cut them off.

That's, you know, my family, even if they're not nice to me or if they're abusive or, You know, they're alcoholic addicts that are continuing to use and you don't want your family to be around. I mean, it's layered, it's layered. So I'm not saying any of this is easy when you make changes, right? Everything's easier said than done. Let's just put that out there so I don't have to come back to it.

But a stressful environment such as, again, conflict at home, workplace pressure, social isolation, Or an unpredictable routine. That's something also I didn't mention yet that is part of this, can contribute to your negative thought patterns. And those thoughts can affect your emotions, right? Not just affect. I tell everybody it's what creates your emotions and your behaviors, right?

Which then can reinforce the festering situation. So it's just kind of a vicious cycle, right? And so being able to use your CBT tools You can address your environment by identifying your environmental triggers is one thing you can do. You can also, as I mentioned, change aspects of your surroundings that are risk realistically controllable. You know what is in my control that I can change?

Whether I leave the environment, whether I set healthier boundaries, right? Whether if it's a person, if it's a family member, am I ready to like fully I cut them off. Um, you know, maybe I'm not gonna see them as often. So that would be a type of boundary as well, right? You can also develop healthier responses to unavoidable stressors, whatever those might be in your life.

You can modify your routines and behaviors that maintain the problems. You can build supportive environments and social connections. And then you can recognize that changing your thoughts alone might not be enough when the environment itself is harmful, right? So you can be doing everything right, doing your thought records and doing positive reframing and creating action plans. All these things I talked to you guys about that are, you know, is in the Mind Over Mood workbook that I use, but sometimes the environment has got to change.

Right? Again, not all or nothing, shades of gray. What does change look like for you? But sometimes just identifying that is your first step, because again, a lot of people don't look at— they're thinking, I'm doing something wrong. If I change, the whole environment will change, right?

Not true, right? I've had experiences probably like you where I made changes, but the environment didn't change, and it was time to move on. Right? And we need— and sometimes we get out of really stressful environments and we're like, oh my gosh, I had no idea how stressful that situation, that environment was, because I was just so in it. And I was like, I gotta keep this job, right?

Or, you know, this is the career that, you know, this is the job that's going to, you know, get my career to where I want it to be, which might not be true. That could be a hot thought, um, because you might not have the support that you need within that environment. But because of those thoughts We stay in these negative, sometimes abusive situations. So you know, taking a step back, you know, in the Mind Over Mood book, in chapter two, there is an exercise called Understanding My Problems, and it talks about these five things: environment, thoughts, moods, physical reactions, and behaviors. And so the first one says environmental changes life situations.

So I tell people to. Fill this out, and you go back as far as you can remember about things in your life that may still be affecting you. But definitely look at what are the environments that you're in, and are those an issue for you? So that's a place to just kind of get started. And I you know I always say this, and I've said this to you guys too: that you know if you have someone in your life that you really trust and you feel like they have your back, you know, and you feel comfortable saying I'm working on you know learning CBT.

One of the questions is, you know, my environment is— are there people in my life? You can ask your person, you know, or my work, or something that you think is a problem that maybe I'm not seeing because I'm just too involved, right? Or I'm letting my emotions make my decisions, like I'm fearful to leave, I'm insecure to leave, you know, I'm too worried to leave, all of those things. So, you know, sometimes people in our lives can be like, well, yes, I don't know if you're open to having me say anything, but this has been a concern. Or yes, you know, we've talked about this before.

So that's one way to identify. If you don't see it, you know, ask others around you as well. That's also an important way to figure out what are my environmental issues, right? And what are the triggers that are connected to that? So again, part of the environment I want to also add in this podcast is community.

So I, you know, did mention that, you know, it's really important to build supportive environments and social connections. And community can look like many, many different things. So You know, what's my communities? I have, you know, my family. I have my extended family.

I have my friends. I have a community within my professional career.

I even have a community that, you know, I'm originally from Buffalo, New York, and I'm still a Buffalo Bills fan. And there's a local bar that I go to throughout the NFL season that's just for Buffalo fans. And it's just so fun. And I get to talk to people, and, you know, we know about Buffalo, we talk about the food, and where did you live, and how'd you become a fan? That's a community right there, right?

I have more fun going there than if I'm just watching at home, right? 'Cause it's that familiarity, we have something in common. People don't even have to know each other, and we're high-fiving, you know, when they score and they get a touchdown and all that great stuff. Like, you know, it's just that. Also in our religious communities, right?

Just, you know, having— if that's something that's in your world, you know, having that community. Sometimes going anywhere in the world, right, and meeting other people that share your faith, you already have that connection. That's a community that you can find almost anywhere. Um, so there's lots of different ways. You don't have to have multiple communities, but I'd like you to at least have one.

So, you know, if you're isolated, you know, a lot of people are isolated these days for many reasons, but one is just your work. Right. A lot of people work from home now after COVID that never did before, and they're really complaining of the isolation and feeling lonely, and they don't feel like they have that community. You know, like, like, you know, I have spent most of my life working, you know, at work, not, you know, remote. Even today I'm hybrid.

I go into the office twice a week. That's really important, not just for my clients, but for me. I like to see people in person. I like to be around other therapists. And we get to talk and you know discuss cases if we need some help with things, that kind of thing.

So people that are home all the time are feeling very isolated and are really missing out that you know going to work isn't just going to work, but it's making friends, having lunch with people, you know connecting, you know brainstorming on work issues, you know that maybe you have you know issues with. So There's a lot more to going into work than just, I have to go do my work in this particular place. And so a lot of people have lost community that way. So if you're someone that works from home, you know, full-time, I really encourage you to make connections with, you know, friends and make, you know, dates with your friends that, hey, let's get together at least once a week and have lunch or go walk together, go work out together. That's another one I didn't mention, you know, going to the gym or workout place.

That's another community, right? I've had community when I used to take, you know, I used to take spin classes years ago. I created a community. I didn't even know I was doing that, but it happened. And I still have friends today that I met through there.

People that are involved with 12-step, that's another community. So whatever it looks like to you, you don't have to have 20 people in your community. It might be 3 people, right? If you're a stay-at-home parent, you can create a community right there. That can be isolating too because you're not working.

Especially when your kids' school doesn't need you as much. I've met a lot of parents that really get bored. They don't know what to do themselves. They were so involved and now they have all this free time. So I'm just brainstorming here with you that to look, you know, book clubs, there's another community, right?

So whatever it looks like is fine. I just want you to have community and to see how important it is. Don't tell yourself, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. I watch my TV shows and I got my pets with me. You need more than that.

I have a community too. I don't know if I've mentioned to you guys before, but where I live at 4 o'clock, a handful of us go to the park and we have a happy hour for our dogs. And, you know, dogs get treats and they hang out. But, you know, I've made friends with my neighbors just because of that and have some very good friendships from that. And that's, you know, I can thank Paisley for that.

But, you know, that's a community in itself too. You know, obviously as I'm talking to you, I keep thinking of even more communities than what I had written down here to share with you. But it's really important. I know some people have online communities. That is fine.

But I'm also telling you, you really, really have to have in-person. It really does make a difference. I'm not minimizing your online community, but I'm also sharing that you really need that in-person You know, that energy we get from each other when we're together is different when we're hanging out with people, right? And being able to really connect and really find joy and have fun and be comfortable and trust and all of those things that are important, that really, really helps with your mental health and your physical health and spiritually as well, right? Mind, body, soul is what I work with everybody on, that we want to have everything in balance.

You know, so community is so important. You know, I can share, which I know I just did my last podcast about how cancer changed me. But one of the things I believe I shared in there is, is the community that showed up for me. You know, my professional community, they did a GoFundMe, which was super sweet. I had other, you know, friends just come together and, you know, bring me meals and dropped off gifts and send me cards and flowers and You know, that was my community to help me heal, and that was super important.

You can also, you know, speaking of health, you know, some people create a community with their doctor, especially if they're going through major, you know, treatments such as cancer or big surgeries. You know, who's my treatment team? Who's talking to each other? You know, there's another aspect of community. So, you know, it shows up in any way you want it to show up, but I want you to find a way for it to show up to you if you don't have it.

And I know everybody thinks everyone's got groups and hang out with people, but I'm telling you, that's not everybody's truth. Again, loneliness is like the number one mental health issue in the world. There's lots of lonely, isolated people, and that if you have a community and you can invite someone to that, you know, please do. You know, offer to say, hey, why don't you come join us? We're going to get together.

Or, hey, come join my book club. You know, my parents were part of a boat— they used to bowl when I was a kid, and they would have teams that they would go. And as adults, and, you know, they would find us a babysitter and they would go do that. And I remember that, like, wow, that's really fun. That's something my parents do.

That was their community. So, you know, again, whatever that looks like, if it's a physical activity, a group, a sport you get involved in, If it's again the book club, if it's connecting with other parents that are stay-at-home, you know, lots of people dog parks connect. I know I've seen that before. So whatever it looks like for you is great, but just start with at least having one and also being open to invitations. I think a lot of people feel insecure or nervous to be like you know the new person, right?

But if somebody invites you and you say, oh, you know, well, I'd like to go with you. You know, sure, and go show up, right? Or if you, you know, hopefully you have the courage to go show up on your own, um, you know, to join different groups. If you find something online that you're like, oh, I'd like to go do that, um, you know, that's a way to, you know, create community. You know, my husband's a huge pickleball player.

My sister also plays a lot. She has this great group of female friends that that she found online that they were getting together and she went and now we're all friends. And now my husband plays with them and he's made friends just going to, you know, that's one of those sports you can just show up to. It's very social. So, you know, a lot of times you end up with community that you didn't even plan.

You're like, I didn't even know this was going to happen. I was just going because I wanted to go play or I just wanted to go to spin class. I didn't go there to make friends, but it just kind of happened. So, you know, a lot of nice surprises can happen, but I want you to sit back and think about You know, who would I say is my, my group? What does my community look like?

And if I want more of that, you know, what am I thinking? Right? Here's your CBT tools. What, what are my hot thoughts that keep me from going? I won't fit in.

It'll be uncomfortable. They're not gonna be welcoming. I'm gonna look weird. It's gonna be awkward. Oh, I'll just stay home.

It's just, it's more comfortable. Those could be all your hot thoughts. Mm-hmm. And I tell everybody, you know, whenever you go to something new, this comes up a lot with clients I have that I'm asking them to go to a 12-step group and they're like, oh my God, I don't wanna be the new person. And I'm like, they all want you there.

'Cause when newcomers show up to 12-step groups, you know, the people that have been around a long time always say, thank you for coming. And for people that are in sobriety, you know, it's a reminder when a newcomer comes in. Mm-hmm. Of where they were and they don't want to go back there and why it's so important to stay in their program and be active and to be able to be helpful for the newcomer because someone helped them. And that's like with all groups, you know, people love when people— people want groups and people love when new people come because it just keeps it going.

It keeps it going. When I was in high school, my life was my youth group. That was my community. And it was so important to me. Some of my best friends are still from that group.

So important to me. So if you're having these hot thoughts that are keeping you from getting out there, you know, please sit down and do a thought record. What evidence do you have that you're going to look weird or you're not going to be welcome or that they don't want you? You got nothing. You literally have nothing to support your hot thoughts.

You have no evidence, but there's lots of evidence that doesn't support your hot thoughts. There's groups that have been going on for hundreds of years, right? And how do they keep going? Because new people come and keep it going and keep it going and add to it, right? So there's a lot of evidence that doesn't support the health thoughts that are keeping you from going, right?

Oh, I'm too tired. Doesn't work with my schedule. Make it work with your schedule. Find something that fits in your schedule, right? You know, If you need to go to bed a little earlier so you won't be so tired during the day, and then you can go to something in the evening.

And I'm telling you, whatever you go to is going to give you good energy, and you won't feel as tired like you do just sitting on the couch and watching television. So there's, you know, I know people that have sewing groups. They get together and they sew or crochet. I mean, there's, you know, again, there's a million things out there you can do. If you have an interest, a hobby, go find a group.

Of other people that share that. You are not alone, and it's really going to help your mental health. And those are your environments, and it's important to create that for yourself. And maybe, you know, maybe you can ask people at work or some friends like, hey, do you go to any groups? Or what kind of community do you have?

And they may share something, and you might say, well, I'd like to go to that. Can I, you know, can I join you? Or maybe they'll just invite you because you're talking about it or saying, I'm looking for community. I don't really know where to go. Right?

So when you let other people know what your needs are and what your wants are, a lot of times things will show up for you. Sometimes people just don't think you're interested because maybe you say no too often and you need to start saying yes. So again, addressing the stressful environment, as I mentioned earlier, if there's conflicts at home, if there's pressure at your workplace, if you're isolated, if you have an unpredictable routine, routine Can really help address environmental issues, right? Having a good sleep schedule, having a good exercise routine, you know, showing up to things on a regular basis. I know a lot of people like, oh, I like to just kind of fly by the you know, you know, off you know last minute.

You know, I like to be spontaneous is how I should put it, and that's great. I love spontaneity, but I'm telling you routine. I know people sometimes they're like, oh, I don't want a routine. I don't want to be so you know. Regimen.

Routine is huge. Too many people I work with that are depressed have no routine. They sleep in, they wake— they stay up too late, they just kind of roll with the day. They have nothing that they're getting ready for. They don't have any purpose.

There's nothing that they're going to. They show up when they show up. Not good, not good. So I'm not saying you need to be strict and have every hour planned, But you need some routine, something like, I'm gonna get up in the morning, this is what I'm gonna go do. I'm gonna do this when I get off of work.

You know, I tell people, you know, if it's working out after work, pack that bag and throw it in your car, 'cause once you get home, you're probably not gonna leave, right? Or get it done first thing in the morning, and then you get on with the rest of your day. So create a plan where you can have more routine in your day, and I promise you, you're actually gonna start feeling better. It really does work. Just one step at a time.

You don't have to throw five things into your day that you're not doing now. Just pick one thing to create that routine, right? And if you have the opportunity to go to the office, right? It's not too far away. You know, works with your schedule.

Even if you just do one day, 2 days, you know, and you want to do remote the other days, which is totally great. You know, take that opportunity to show up to the office sometimes. You know, if you know other people are going to be there, you know, say, hey, I'm coming in on, you know, Thursday. Are you available? Let's get lunch while we're both in the office.

So, you know, just, you know, put it out, put a couple invitations out here and there. You know, again, if somebody invites you, just say yes. Don't think about it. Don't let your thoughts, you know, get in the way of your behaviors. Just say, oh, thank you.

Yeah, that'd be great. Let's get some lunch, right? You got to eat. Why not go have lunch with somebody so you're not by yourself? So these are all these things.

And then I'm just going to review a little bit before we finish up. Here, but I want you to identify your triggers in those environments. You know, what are your hot thoughts that are creating negative moods, possibly affecting your behavior, creating physical reactions? What are physical reactions? Just to go over is, you know, feeling fatigue, having sleep issues, difficulty concentrating.

If you're crying a lot, you know, if you have upset stomach, you feel nauseous, those are all kind of, you know, Physical symptoms that can be affected, and then you're like, "I'm not going to go do anything. I'm not going to show up because I just don't feel good." But it's probably based on the way you're thinking. We do know the research tells us that your thoughts are 100% affecting and creating your moods, right? So we have any negative moods, even if it's a little something. I want you to get into the habit of saying, "You know, what am I thinking?

What am I thinking? What am I thinking?" Is it a half thought? A half thought is a thought that is not 100% true, and I need to challenge that. I need to come up with alternative and balanced thoughts, and then I need to create an experiment about showing up, about doing something different, about getting on a good sleep schedule, starting to exercise, eating better. You know, go take a cooking class if you want to have a— you know, learn how to make some foods that are healthier for you.

All different things like that. You know, what am I needing to do to also prove that my new thoughts are correct? And that's having those experiments and getting out into the— your environment and your community and making connections, right? And sharing a little bit with yourself so other people feel connected with you and see where that takes you. And again, if you go try something, you say, hey, Dr. Julie, I didn't really enjoy that, that's fine.

Let's go find something you will. Not everything's going to work the first time, but don't let that be, you know, like, well, nothing's going to work. There's your hot thought, right? So I'm not going to try anything, you know, because again, what I'm saying is look at your environments. Yes, you might be in communities, you may have environments that you do need to change.

Just being in a community doesn't mean it's good for you. Depends on the community, you know. What are you getting from it? What can you give back to it? Right?

So we want to assess that first. Are any of my environments causing problems? And what are some other better environments I can get myself involved with, right? Introduce myself to. Check out.

Check it out. That's all I'm asking. Just check it out. Give yourself an opportunity. And then building those supportive environments and social connections can be a game changer, right?

And recognizing your hot thoughts. Right, that's keeping you from putting yourself out there. So I gave you a ton of ideas. I hope you could at least use one of them, right, to say, I'm gonna, you know, just make decisions based on what's best for me, not how I feel, and go do something even if it's a little uncomfortable. I can do a thought record before I go to deal with the discomfort that I'm having, right, and come up with some really good alternative and balanced thoughts.

And I can read those before I leave. I can put them in my phone. I can read them before I get out of my car and walk into the the building or you know the situation wherever the new group is. You got a lot of tools. I know you're courageous.

I know you're brave. If you're listening to me, you want change in your life. You want to feel better. You want to do better. Here is an opportunity.

This is a great place to start, and so many wonderful things can come from it. And while you're there, if you're a little uncomfortable or things aren't going the way you want, do that thought record in your head right then and there. What am I thinking right now? You know, am I really, am I talking? Am I standing in the corner?

Am I just being quiet? You know, do I look like I'm interested in meeting other people? Right? Am I having good eye contact? Am I smiling?

You know, you need to be mindful about how you're coming across in those situations so people think you're also interested. So lots of good ideas, lots of good tools. We're always going back to the foundation of CBT: my thoughts create my moods, which affects my behaviors, my physical reactions. Let me look at my environment.

So please share this with anyone that, you know, maybe you're super social and you just cannot get your friend, your sister, your coworker, your parents, whoever it might be, to join you. Send this podcast over to them and say, if Dr. Julie's asking you to pick one thing, what would that be? And maybe you can join that friend or colleague or family member and be their support and say, hey, I'll go with you. I'll go check it out with you so you're not alone. I mean, what a gift that would be that you can give to somebody.

So again, share this with anyone that may benefit. You guys know where to find me on my website at mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com.

You can find me on Instagram under My CBT Podcast. You can find me on Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube under Dr. Julie Osborne. Please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing from you and getting your feedback. If you have any recommendations on shows you want me to do, please hit the subscribe button to make sure you don't miss an episode.

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And, um, then when you listen, you can benefit and maybe even, like I said, share with other people. So, um, that's why I ask you to subscribe. No stress, no pressure. There's no— there's nothing connected to that. And I will leave you with my mantra.

As always, make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.