Episode #190

How Cancer Changed Me

This month marks the 5-year mark since my cancer journey began, so it’s a huge milestone for me.

Like anyone who’s been through their own cancer journey, you learn a lot.

So today, I want to share with you what I’ve learned about life, perspective, and what’s truly important.

Join me, Dr Julie Osborn, as I share some insights that have helped me and hopefully will you, too.

Click to listen now!

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, welcome to my CBT podcast. This is Dr. Julie. I'm a Doctor of Psychology and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I'm here to bring the power of CBT into your own life.

So thanks for being with me.

I hope everybody's doing well. There's going to be a good news podcast. I'm going to start off sharing that I have my 1 million download on my podcast, which I was so excited to hear, and I was like, wow. That was a big accomplishment. Big accomplishment.

A million downloads just lets me know that the podcast is reaching lots of people and making an impact. And as always, I say that was my intention. I'm grateful. So thank you. Thank you for listening and sharing and downloading.

Let's just keep it going. The other good news I want to talk about today was this month, August 2026, I'm celebrating my 5 years since I've been cancer-free. So that's a really exciting mark for my journey. That means that after my next doctor's appointment, I don't need to go in anymore, and that my doctor told me even a while ago that he doesn't think I'll ever have my particular cancer again, which was a great relief. But to hit the 5-year mark, it's exciting.

It's something to celebrate because those of you that have been through the journey of cancer know that, you know, going for checkups and every year you check off another year you're cancer-free, you know, just kind of breathe some relief because you never know, right? You never know. So I thought, you know, what I want to share about my journey is really my perspective about my life after going through cancer and having the treatment and the fear of, you know, if you're gonna survive or not, and how has that changed me in a positive way that I'm grateful for today. So I did do at least 3 episodes about my cancer journey. So if you guys haven't listened to them and you're interested, I can tell you that they're episodes number 63, 64, 65, and 68.

And the first episode, number 63, just talks about what I had to go through to advocate for myself to even get help once I found out I had cancer. I couldn't get anyone to do surgery because of insurance issues, and it was a nightmare, nightmare. But I talk about that on Hep Podcast and then talk about my experience, and I talk about all the emotions that come with it. And there's a lot more to it than just, you know, you have this, we're gonna do surgery, you're gonna get treatment, you're done. A lot of emotions, you know.

Everyone that loves you in your life is affected as well, and you know, everybody's on this journey with you. It's a big deal. And again, I learned a lot from going through that, so I wanted to share those things with you today. Um, and the things I learned isn't just related to, you know, somebody with cancer. I'm sure it's going to relate to many different things.

But I also was, you know, very, very fortunate. So again, if you haven't listened, just give you a little background. I had ovarian cancer. I was diagnosed in August of 2021. And I had a really serious surgery, really big surgery.

And then after surgery, we found out that they pinched a nerve in my left leg and my leg was basically paralyzed, and they didn't know if that was going to come back. So that was horrific and scary, and thank God it did come back, but it took a long time. And, you know, that was another thing on top of it. And then they come back and say you're stage 3, then they come back, say you're stage 1. You know, what the treatments are and all of that.

And I was very, very fortunate to be stage 1. I can tell you, with ovarian cancer, they call it the silent killer. Most women don't get diagnosed till it's spread, and then it's much more serious. And it's not that it's curable, but you're in remission or you're managing it. So stage 1, I was actually able to be cured through my surgery and then my chemo treatment.

So, um, That's my background with that. And I've had other medical stuff, you know, even after that. And, you know, I used to get a lot of anxiety going for my blood work after everything because you're just hoping that everything's going to be okay. So again, it's really, really layered, really layered. But what I have learned and my perspective on my life has changed because I can tell you I'm not a risk taker normally in life.

I like stability, I like certainty. That's just my personality, you know. I see a problem, I just go take care of it. And I was really powerless over this, right? After my surgery, I couldn't do anything for a good month.

And, you know, it was the first time in my life I didn't— well, you know, my working life— that I didn't work for a month. I could not be there for anybody. And it really taught me to changed my perspective about being able to receive help because I'm definitely a giver, right? With my work, with my personal life, you know, I'm a helper. That's just my personality.

That's, you know, how I am in my relationships. And, you know, tend to be like, I'm fine, I'm fine. But I really, really learned how to accept help and feel the love from all the special relationships I have in my life. That, you know, when people say, can I do this? Can I bring over a meal?

Can I— I just started saying yes. And I don't think I said yes as much back then. I'd be like, oh no, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'd be like, sure, whatever you want to bring over. Hey, I appreciate that.

People brought meals, people dropped me off blankets, candles, cards, flowers. You know, it was just— it was a beautiful thing. And I was able to really take that in and really find that humility within myself to be okay with it. And to feel worthy of it and to know, which I really— a big lesson I learned, and I share this with people all the time, is that when people offer you help, it's not just for you, but it's also for them. Because I know a lot of people in my life felt very helpless in the situation and were worried and just wanting, you know, they want to do something.

So when you say yes, you're like, sure, bring me over a meal, or yeah, if you, you know, whatever you want to do. You know, they— people would go walk my dog for me. I mean, that was helpful. Um, all of those things, you know, they feel good, right? Like, I feel good when I help people.

I never really thought about it until the roles were reversed, and I'm like, oh, when I say yes, it's a win-win. They feel like, oh, I did something for Julie, good, because I feel so helpless otherwise. And I felt great because it helped me out also. And I just read something about humility I wanted to share with you because I really liked it, from a doctor named Joel Wong. And he says that many people see humility as a virtue, just not one that fuels success.

But humility is not low self-esteem or the same as modesty. It's a lack of self-importance which allows people to see themselves accurately, recognize their limitations, seek help where they're lacking and be open to learning and growth and attend to the needs of others. Humble people are not doormats. They recognize they don't reside at the center of the universe, and research shows that humble leaders produce better organizational outcomes. They're willing to seek help and feedback.

They become highly effective. Here's one of many ways to practice humility. If you're used to helping others, Try asking for help instead. And that's exactly was my experience. My cancer definitely made me very humble and be able to ask for help instead and be okay with it and be comfortable with it.

I love that I got that from my experience. I also learned to be more present on a daily basis, and I definitely paid attention, and I do today, to the details of my day. I just notice more things. You know, when I take a walk with my friends, I notice, you know, different flowers I didn't notice before. I really take a minute and say, look, you know how cute that duck is by the lake, or the dogs, or— I'm not just walking and in my head and thinking about my day.

I'm really taking in my surroundings. I just, I just notice more things. I said I've always been a complimenter. I'd say I really try to even do that even more often, you know, just taking a moment to recognize or complimenting somebody on something they're wearing, or what I like, or how they handled something. So definitely being more present.

As I said, saying yes more often. That I've traveled more since I've had my cancer. That opportunities come up, I'm like, yep, let's go, let's go, let's go. I take more time off of work because I'm taking the time to spend time with my family and my friends and doing things where normally like, yeah, I don't know, that might kind of be a pain, that might be a hassle. But instead I'm just like, yeah, if I have an opportunity to spend time with you and that's something I want to do I'm saying yes to it.

So that has made a big difference as well. I also don't feel like I have to fix things for others as much as I used to. You know, I'm a big problem solver, as I mentioned before. I'd be like, oh, what do I need to do to fix this? Now, being more present, I can just be, is this something I need to step into, or do I need to give them space to figure things out on their own?

And also to ask more often before I just jump in to fix something. Would you like my help? Maybe not. Maybe they just want me to listen, or maybe they're like, yeah, what are your suggestions, right? And also to let it go at that point, that I'm not worried and worried and worried if it's going to work out, if they're going to take my suggestion.

I just have to be more accepting, more present, that I can be there for others, but they're going to make their own decisions, right? So not overthinking about all that. I also am better at letting go of the small stuff where I used to ruminate more and think about stuff and how can I fix this and what's going to happen. And now I'm just letting go. You know, I don't have control of that.

I remind myself on a daily basis, what do I have control over? And the things I don't have control over, I have to let go because that's not going to serve me and nothing good is going to come out of it. And when I can focus on what I do have control over, then things are going to flourish for me. I can tell you, when my leg, you know, was paralyzed, all I could do was my PT. You know, everybody said, you know, could take this long.

There was no medicine, there was nothing except me. And that was like my new religion at the moment, that I walked and walked and walked back and forth, back and forth, back and forth in my house, did the exercises. I was like determined That was the control I had, right? And luckily, like I said, it took some time, but it came back. And, you know, I'm grateful my body was working, but I also can give myself credit that I focused on what I had control over, right?

Not that there wasn't some fear wrapped around some of my days, but then I got back to, you know, what can I do about it? So being focused on that. I also think since my cancer, I'm more particular about who I spend time with. Um, it's really important. I think, you know, I've shared this before, I know, but as I've gotten older, my circle's gotten smaller.

And why is that? Because I'm more particular about the people I want to spend time with. I want to be with quality people that I view in that way. I want to be with people I can be authentic, I can be real with, you know. Um, I'm not people pleasing.

I'm not thinking about, you know, what everybody else is going to think, how they're going to judge me. So I'm much more particular about who I want to spend time with. And because of that, you know, I have more joy in my life. I walk away being really fulfilled and feeling really good and feeling energized. And that's really important, really important.

I also am more mindful about the healthy boundaries I have in my life as well. I've always been pretty good in my adulthood about having healthy boundaries, But, um, I would say that I'm better today because of that. You know, when my cancer happened, it was such a shock and so fast, you know, that it really reminded me that, you know, even though you can take care of yourself and you think you're in great health, things are going to happen. And we don't know how much time we have on this planet. And I'm not into living an old life.

I'm into living a healthy life, right? I want quality more than quantity. And so that's another reason I say yes, because I don't know if I wait till I'm 80 if I'll be able to do the things I can do today, right? And knowing that I could have not survived this cancer, it could have gone way worse. And all I know is I do have today, and that's where that being present is, right?

That it was a real thing. And I don't know, sometimes, you know, just being a human being, sometimes we have to go through the actual you know, experience to really get it or go through with somebody else. But it's like, wow, one day you're fine and the next day you're not. And you're thinking, am I going to even live? Can I even get through this?

Is this something I have to deal with all, you know, the rest of my life? Could it come back? You know, I had a cousin of mine I interviewed, uh, Sam. He's on a podcast. He has POTS, and I— he's on my podcast, I'm sorry.

He has POTS and And at the end of the interview when we were, you know, done, you know, he asked me, you know, how do I deal with like the fear of, you know, like worrying about it coming back? And it was a great question. Nobody asked me before. I had to take a minute to think about it, you know. And I said to him, I don't think about it coming back because then I'm just going to live in fear, right?

God forbid it comes back, I will deal with it again. And I'm not saying it won't be difficult, but if I was always like, what if, what if, what if? You know, that's what I tell you guys with CBT, that's just all anxiety thinking. 'Cause I want it, what if I get it again? There literally is no answer to that.

Then it would suck. I'd be very upset. I'd be scared, but I would go back to my doctor and I would say, what do we need to do this time so I can, you know, continue to live and be healthy and address the issue, right? So everything's easier said than done, but it was a great question because if I just live in fear, which I could easily have done that, easily have done that, but it would have taken away any of joy I have today and would have taken away all of this time that I have. And I got 5 years.

I've done so many things, and I do so many things differently now because of that. And it's not a negative thought of like, oh, I could die tomorrow. It's just an awareness that we don't have, you know, the ability to know How long we're going to be here and how am I going to live my life today? Because today I can live my life fully and I am healthy enough to go and do the things I want to do, right? So going through that made my mortality a real thing.

And instead of being afraid of it, I'm going to embrace it and live my life differently. So again, this didn't come overnight, you guys, like, oh, one day I was like, okay, you know, this is where I'm at. This has definitely been my journey. Um, I always love that song, if you're familiar with it, called The Man in the Mirror. And basically it's saying, you can you look in the mirror and feel good about how you're living your life, right?

Am I living my values? Do I feel I have good integrity? Am I humble? All the things are important to me, right? What are my intentions in my relationships when I want to give to others, right?

I'm always checking me, myself in the mirror. And, you know, am I living the way that I want to? And if not, what do I need to do differently, right? What do I need to fix? Do I have to make amends to anybody?

You know, I'm always coming back to me versus them.

And am I feeling good about all of that?

So those are, you know, just, you know, the— I know I've said a lot of different things, but so those are some of the really important things. That have, you know, I've benefited from.

And if you can kind of see where I'm going with this as well, is, you know, how did I get to all of these realizations is having my CBT tools, of course, right? If you listen to my other podcast when I was going through this, I talk a lot about, you know, I had a day in the hospital where I was going to a dark place, a lot of fear, and I was like, okay, This is what you gotta do. You gotta practice what you preach, Julie, all the tools that you share with your clients. You know, I did some serious thought records in that hospital, right? I had to really get in touch with what were my thoughts that are making me so fearful and afraid.

And it was, you know, understandable, but I had to really get myself in a better place. And I was able to do that because I had tools. You know, positive thinking wasn't gonna work. You know, everyone's gonna say, oh, you know, you'll get better, or you'll just do this, or, you know, this and this and that. That was nice, that was nice, but it wasn't sticking, right?

Because it was just so much that was unknown. And my CBT tools helped me change the way I was thinking, have more balanced thoughts, help me be more present, right? Uh, get focused on my gratitude. You know, I was in a phenomenal hospital, a fabulous doctor. I had all the support that I needed.

You know, once I got the care, I had the determination. Once I got home, I had great support. You know, all the things that helped me get better and get me to the place where I am cured and I don't have cancer and, you know, didn't have to do more treatments and I've been able to thrive since that time. You know, I know for a fact that I wouldn't be in a good place today if I didn't have my tools and obviously not, and I didn't use them. They're so important to have tools when you're going through a difficult time.

It doesn't have to be as serious as cancer, it can be anything. I tell you guys, you know, use your thought records every single day. Thought records for life. It's not just in these tough moments like I'm talking about today, it's everyday things that can build up, right? Because if we don't have those tools, our brain will just take us on a dark path.

We have to hijack it and say, no, I'm not doing that. Just because I think these things doesn't mean it's true, right? Thinking I'm gonna die, I can't handle this, you know, this is too overwhelming, nobody understands how I'm feeling, you know, who am I going forward? I talk about the emotions of cancer, which is one of my podcasts. I talked about, you know, I looked very different, I lost a lot of weight, I Lost a lot of muscle, got a big old scar.

That was something to deal with. I mean, like I said, there's all these different things once you get through the worst of it with surgery and the chemo that, you know, who am I today? How do I look different? How can I accept that? How can I love myself at, you know, being different now, looking different, all of those things, right?

And that how can I also be of service to others, you know, and I share my story. To help others, you know, not just get through their difficult stuff, but I've told women about certain tests to ask for, you know, what to look for. You know, now I can, I can advocate for others as well and help them advocate for themselves. So using my tools, you know, helped me like get back on track and allowed me to persevere and be in a good place while I was doing it. Right?

I wasn't just doing what I had to do and depressed at the same time. I was doing what I had to do and feeling pretty good about it. And when I'd have my moments that I didn't feel good or I was scared, which I had, you know, I just went back to my same tools. There's— I didn't have to learn something new. I was like, what am I thinking about?

What's making me feel so horrible right now? What do I need? What do I need to do for myself? What do I need to ask for? Right?

Going back to asking for help. And knowing that I was worthy of it and it was okay. I wasn't a burden. People weren't bothered by it. They just wanted to be able to help.

So all of everything I'm talking about today has to do with my CBT tools that I use on a daily basis, right? Being able to identify my cognitive distortions that I had, you know, um, the shoulds, this shouldn't have happened, I shouldn't have had to fight so hard, people should have helped me quicker. You know, all of those things could have gotten in the way. You know, a lot of people just, you know, give up when they can't get the healthcare they need, you know, or they got an appointment a month out, they just go home and wait. And, and you can't do that.

You cannot do that. And I had to knock down a lot of walls. I'm telling you, it was, it was pretty crazy when I still think about it that I even had to go through that. But, you know, I finally was able to do that. Um, and those are things that we need to do because you need to feel worthy enough to stand up for yourself and speak up, whatever your life circumstance, whether it's health scare, whether you're in a horrible relationship, you know, whether there's abuse going on, whether you're in a horrible work environment, right?

Whatever's— whether, you know, you have mental health issues and you're afraid to share that, you got to find people that can support you. You deserve to have your needs met and feel good. I mean, you have to think that way. It's not just— it's not a feeling, right? I feel worthy because I think that I am important and I deserve to be taken care of and I serve to get the care I need, right?

My thinking, right, is what helped me advocate and get me to that place. So there's all these different layers, of course, that I'm talking about. You know, maybe you can find yourself in them at some point in your life or something that's going on now. Right? But whatever circumstance you go through, I hope you'll use your CB tools, tools, and I hope you will be able to reflect, as I've shared today, you know, what did I get from this really difficult experience?

You don't want to go through anything and let it be a waste by just being upset about it and angry. You know, what, what can I learn? Is there something I want to do different? Is there something I want to continue to do? Right?

Is something I want to share with others that I found helpful that I didn't get on my own until I went through something? You know, go back and reflect on different things in your life if you haven't already and said, you know, how was that helpful? Was I being a good role model for my kids maybe in making difficult choices, setting healthy boundaries, choosing people that we're going to have in our family or not? You know, moving somewhere, which is a difficult thing to drag your kids somewhere. Was that the best thing?

You know, I've talked to clients where they're like really upset their parents dragged them out of school to move. Maybe you need to go back and make amends for that. What did I learn from that? You know, there's just all different— I'm just throwing out a bunch of different situations, but I'm hoping to kind of, you know, hit a little button within you to say, you know, maybe I do need to think about that experience. Because a lot of times our bad experience, you're like, oh, I don't want to think about that, I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to go back there.

But I'm telling you, if you don't address it it's gonna linger somewhere. You know, there's lessons to be learned in everything, and we can find gratitude in everything that we go through if we can change our perspective and say, what can I take from this? And what did I learn? And how am I a better person? And how do I wanna maybe even be a better person than I was before?

So I'm grateful. I'm grateful to everyone that was there for me. Thank you, thank you if you're listening. My doctors, I'm grateful for, and I'm grateful that I had the strength to get through it, and I'm grateful that I was resilient. And, and, you know, that's one last thing to share.

You know, I remembered when I was really struggling after my surgery and thinking about what are the other really difficult things I have gone through in my life, and I've had a couple, and And I remember thinking, if I went through those when I didn't think I could, this is another thing I can get through. And that really gave me more courage and more strength to say, okay, what am I needed doing for myself right now? Because I know I can do it because I've had a past where I've had difficult things. And, and I think most people have something. Most people have something.

So when you're struggling, think back about your resiliency and your strength and how did you get through a difficult time. So that you can handle what's going on in your life today and even thrive from it.

So thanks for letting me share all this.

Um, I just wanted to celebrate with you guys. I'm very happy where I am today regarding all of this. I'm glad it's— I can hit that 5-year mark again. I can celebrate. Um, I'll never forget my doctor, Dr. Castaneda.

I love him. But it's also nice I won't have to see him anymore, right? Because that means I'm on the other side of all of this. So I'm always sharing my gratitude and I'm always saying thank you. Always, always.

That never stops. So I hope this was beneficial. I hope it made you think about your life circumstances. How can you use your CBT tools to help you get through what you're going through today? How can you find like the silver lining in a difficult time?

Be grateful, be humble, be able to go forward. And of course, share this with anyone that you may think would benefit from it as well. So you know where to find me. My website is mycognitivebehavioraltherapy.com. Lots of good information on there.

You can also find me on Instagram under My CBT Podcast, and on Facebook, on YouTube, on TikTok under Dr. Julie Osborn.

Please keep sharing your thoughts, your concerns, your questions. I love hearing from you and getting your feedback.

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Obviously it's working with that million— number 1 million download, right, that it's getting out there. So that's great, so keep doing that for me.

And as always, make decisions based on what's best for you, not how you feel.